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Some people think that children would benefit if they attend nursery school before primary school while some people think that children should stay all day with their families. v.2

Some people think that children would benefit if they attend nursery school before primary school while some people think that children should stay all day with their families. v. 2
Some people argue that kids should be sent to kindergarten before they attend primary school, whereas other people believe that if it remains at home that might be more valuable. In this essay, I will put the lights on the advantages and disadvantages of children's initial years of childhood in school. According to the research, during the early stages of childhood, children are fast learners. This psychological advantage helps the children to learn basic academics and assist them to express themselves through other extra curricular activities. For instance, in school kids learn to write simple language alphabets, simple mathematics, numbers and paint the figures which thrive their academic performance. In addition, kids who have a shy nature would be beneficial after having interaction with peers. Consequently, attending the nursery classes may bring positive outcomes in the development of pupils and be helpful in further career perspectives. On the other hand, early admissions to the school create a gap between parents and children. This gap seems to decrease emotional attachment with parents and early mental fear in the minds of kids. Furthermore, initial studies might be a burden on pupils which affect their physical growth and increase mental pressure. For example, some studies have shown that due to competition in schools, the school curriculum becomes comprehensive, which is difficult for little kids to understand as well as leaving no time for other physical activities. Overall, it seems advisable that admission at the age of 4 to 6 years might be more beneficial for the development of children in academic performance and to gain confidence for introverts.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to kindergarten
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they attend primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that if it remains at home that might be more valuable. In this essay, I will put the lights on the advantages and disadvantages of children's initial years of childhood in school.

According to the research, during the early stages of childhood,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
learners. This psychological advantage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to learn basic academics and assist them to express themselves through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This word is normally spelled as one.
extra curricular
activities.
For instance
, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
learn to write simple language alphabets, simple mathematics, numbers and paint the figures which thrive their academic performance.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
who have a shy nature would be beneficial after having interaction with peers.
Consequently
, attending the nursery classes may bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
outcomes in the development of pupils and be helpful in
further
career perspectives.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, early admissions to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
create a gap between parents and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. This gap seems to decrease emotional attachment with parents and early mental fear in the minds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
.
Furthermore
, initial studies might be a burden on pupils which affect their physical growth and increase mental pressure.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
studies have shown that due to competition in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum becomes comprehensive, which is difficult for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to understand
as well
as leaving no time for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
physical activities.

Overall
, it seems advisable that admission at the age of 4 to 6 years might be more beneficial for the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in academic performance and to gain confidence for introverts.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
The conquest of learning is achieved through the knowledge of languages.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Some people think that children would benefit if they attend nursery school before primary school while some people think that children should stay all day with their families. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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