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Some people think that children would benefit if they attend nursery school before primary school while some people think that children should stay all day with their families. Discuss both the views and give your opinion. v.4

Some people think that children would benefit if they attend nursery school before primary school while some people think that children should stay all day with their families. v. 4
Some make the pragmatic argument that children will get more benefits if they go to the nursery school before primary school, while the others believe that by staying at home with their parents contributes more valuable for their children. In my opinion, attending nursery school could prove to be more benefits for kids. On the one hand, there are numerous predominant factors, which suggests that the children should enrol to the nursery place before their primary education. From the perspective of social principle, by delivering children in the early stage of primary education creates more job opportunities for nursery teachers which reduces the unemployment rate in the economic field, decreasing the financial burden on government. Moreover, the mother of these children can early rejoin the job market, which contributes financial support in the family. In terms of human development field, since parents allow their children to attend at nursery school, kids ought to be more active and dynamic in their personal development. For example, it is no doubt that kids have more peers, contemporaries to play at school which develop their language communication. On the other hand, home tutoring allow children to learn and grow at their own pace, as they are not subjected to any pressure. In addition, it is scientifically proven that humans are very sensitive and vulnerable to developing bad habits especially at a young age. This provides another reason for parents to avoid nursery schools. Furthermore, by staying all day with their families contribute the emotional connection between kids and parents. This leads to creating a sharing behaviour, reducing gap generation in their future development. In conclusion, this is a topic which raises many questions in contemporary life. By attending nursery school before primary school brings some benefits as mentioned above. However, I am inclined to say that the positive aspects of children enrolling in nursery school by far surpass any other opinion.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the pragmatic argument that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more benefits if they go to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nursery
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, while the others believe that by staying at home with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
contributes more valuable for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. In my opinion, attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nursery
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
could prove to be more benefits for kids.

On the one hand, there are numerous predominant factors, which suggests that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should enrol to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nursery
place
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
education. From the perspective of social principle, by delivering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in the early stage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
education creates more job opportunities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nursery
teachers which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the unemployment rate in the economic field, decreasing the financial burden on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
Moreover
, the mother of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can early rejoin the job market, which contributes financial support in the family. In terms of human development field, since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to attend at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nursery
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, kids ought to be more active and dynamic in their personal development.
For example
, it is no doubt that kids have more peers, contemporaries to play at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
which develop their language communication.

On the other hand
, home tutoring
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to learn and grow at their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
pace, as they are not subjected to any pressure.
In addition
, it is
scientifically
proven that humans are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
sensitive and vulnerable to developing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits
especially
at a young age. This provides another reason for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to avoid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nursery
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
Furthermore
, by staying all day with their families contribute the emotional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
connection between
kids and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. This leads to creating a sharing
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
, reducing gap generation in their future development.

In conclusion
, this is a topic which raises
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
questions in contemporary life. By attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nursery
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits as mentioned above.
However
, I
am inclined
to say that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
enrolling in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nursery
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
by far surpass any other opinion.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that children would benefit if they attend nursery school before primary school while some people think that children should stay all day with their families. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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