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Some people think that children with different abilities should be taught together while some think that intelligent children should be given special training or taught separately. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think that children with different abilities should be taught together while some think that intelligent children should be given special training or taught separately. v. 1
In recent years, the debate that cutting-edge technology should replace the roles of museums as people tend to see historical objectives on a computer screen has been receiving a great deal of public attention. Although, this trend is not without advantages, the downsides will justify these. On the one hand, high-end technology allows all people approach masterpieces conveniently via the Internet with only a touch on the screen. First, since many people do not have chances to visit directly memorial house to see the artefacts, online images will sufficiently satisfactory for those who have no ideas about the art works. For example, nowadays people can search and see the masterpiece, such as “Mona Lisa” picture, in their house without travelling to Paris and spending great trip budgets. Second, online exhibitions and museums offer customers remarkable services that cannot be found in the real ones. This means that instead of following strict regulations to access the museums, people have opportunities to visit sites at any time, even at night, and on their ways that not be annoyed by others. On the other hand, there are some undeniable reasons why local authorities should maintain the memorial sites. First, by offering first-hand experience, the visitors may sense the atmosphere of the museums as well as the tangible cultural heritage. For example, the National Gallery in London will be amazed and surprised by visitors as it looks striking and impressive building. Second, people are allowed to contemplate the masterpieces with their bare eyes. This means that the feeling of awe on seeing the size of the great dinosaur skeletons in the Natural History Museum in New York would be impossible to experience by simply looking at an image on a laptop. In conclusion, although the advanced of technology seem to be replaced tangible museums, the roles of the memorial house should not be underrated.
In recent years, the debate that cutting-edge technology should replace the roles of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
historical objectives on a computer screen has been receiving a great deal of public attention. Although, this trend is not without advantages, the downsides will justify these.

On the one hand, high-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
approach masterpieces
conveniently
via the Internet with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a touch on the screen.

First
, since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have chances to visit
directly
memorial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the
Possible spelling mistake. 'artefacts' is British English.
artefacts
, online images will
sufficiently
satisfactory for those who have no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
about the art works.
For example
, nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can search and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the masterpiece, such as “Mona Lisa” picture, in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
without travelling to Paris and spending great trip budgets. Second, online exhibitions and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
offer customers remarkable services that cannot
be found
in the real ones. This means that
instead
of following strict regulations to access the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have opportunities to visit sites at any time, even at night, and on their ways that not
be annoyed
by others.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
undeniable reasons why local authorities should maintain the memorial sites.

First
, by offering
first
-hand experience, the visitors may sense the atmosphere of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
as well
as the tangible cultural heritage.
For example
, the National Gallery in London will
be amazed
and surprised by visitors as it looks striking and impressive building. Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to contemplate the masterpieces with their bare eyes. This means that the feeling of awe on seeing the size of the great dinosaur skeletons in the Natural History
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
in New York would be impossible to experience by
simply
looking at an image on a laptop.

In conclusion
, although
The phrase 'the advanced of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the advanced of
technology seem to
be replaced
tangible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
, the roles of the memorial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
should not
be underrated
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that children with different abilities should be taught together while some think that intelligent children should be given special training or taught separately. v. 1

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
310 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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