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Some people think that children who spend a lot of time reading children's story books are wasting their time which could be better used doing other more useful activities. To what extent do you agree? v.2

Some people think that children who spend a lot of time reading children's story books are wasting their time which could be better used doing other more useful activities. v. 2
Reading a lot of story books by children's leisure activity is debatable. Some people claim that it is a waste of time instead children can do other useful activities. I completely disagree with this statement. Reading story books improve the language skills in children and other useful activities like playing outdoor games, drawing and painting might not be of any help to a child who is not interested in these activities. Firstly, reading a story book at an early age will improve a child's learning ability. In addition, the language skills will develop for instance, children can develop good vocabulary and grammar. Moreover, the cognitive ability of these tender brains will develop when they read more story books. For example, Sherlock Holmes the great detective writer was a voracious reader during his childhood days. Therefore, reading story books is not a waste of time instead it will help the children to develop their language skills. Secondly, other useful activities like playing games outside, drawing or painting might not suit everyone. Because some children who are physically challenged cannot play outside. Similarly, not all children are interested in art, instead they may prefer to study. To cite an example, I was never interested in drawing or painting during my childhood days, despite my parents insisted that it was a good activity. Although, some free time activities are universally accepted as good, still reading story books is not a bad choice. In fact, it has more positive effects on the overall personality development of a child. In conclusion, even though free time activities like drawing and painting are useful, some children might not be interested. However, spending time by reading story books will benefit children to enhance their language skills. As a result, it is not a waste of time instead every child must be encouraged to read books.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Reading
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
story
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
by children's leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
is debatable.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claim that it is a waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
instead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can do other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
useful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. I completely disagree with this statement.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
story
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
useful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
like playing outdoor games,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drawing
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
painting
might not be of any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to a child who is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interested
in these activities.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
story
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
at an early age will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
a child's learning ability.
In addition
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
develop
for instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
develop
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
vocabulary and grammar.
Moreover
, the cognitive ability of these tender brains will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
develop
when they read more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
story
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
.
For example
, Sherlock Holmes the great detective writer was a voracious reader during his childhood days.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
story
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
is not a waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
instead
it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
develop
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

Secondly
, other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
useful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
like playing games outside,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drawing
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
painting
might not suit everyone.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who are
physically
challenged cannot play outside.
Similarly
, not all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interested
in art,
instead
they may prefer to study. To cite an example, I was never
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interested
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drawing
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
painting
during my childhood days, despite my parents insisted that it was a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
. Although,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are
universally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
,
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
story
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
is not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
choice. In fact, it has more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects on the
overall
personality development of a child.

In conclusion
,
even though
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drawing
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
painting
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
useful
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
might not be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interested
.
However
, spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
story
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
will benefit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to enhance their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
As a result
, it is not a waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
instead
every child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be encouraged
to read
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that children who spend a lot of time reading children's story books are wasting their time which could be better used doing other more useful activities. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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