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Some people think that children who spend alot of time reading children s story books are wasting their time which could be better used doing other more useful activities To what extent do you agree or disagree v.1

Some people think that children who spend alot of time reading children s story books are wasting their time which could be better used doing other more useful activities v. 1
Ever since fast food has come in the market sector, obesity among children rose drastically. According to some people, parents are responsible for obesity, others, however, believe that the government has a big impact on the rising obesity among children. In my view both are responsible. To begin with, there is a plethora of reasons why parents are responsible for rising obesity. First and foremost, a lot of parents are uneducated; hence, they are oblivious about nutrition, that is why they feed their children whatever feel or think is good for them, as a result, most. For instance, there is a plethora of fast food shops who often tempt children to eat, thus most parents go along with children and eat, in order to make their children happy. On the other hand, the government is also accountable because they have authorities to ban fast foods or any food which has an enormous amount of fat content. For instance, there are multiple harmful oils' brands which people import from different countries, these should be banned, as well as the government ought to facilitate healthier oils to serve in cooking. The local governments need to encourage people to consume food which has less contained fat. Therefore, some people consider that the government is also responsible towards in the rising percentage of obesity in young children. To sum up, I would say that it is not solely the parents' responsibility, to some extent, the government's reluctant behaviour is accountable too in increasing obesity among children.
Ever since
fast
food
has
come
in the market sector, obesity among
children
rose
drastically
. According to
some
people
,
parents
are responsible for obesity, others,
however
, believe that the
government
has a
big
impact on the rising obesity among
children
. In my view both are responsible.

To
begin
with, there is a plethora of reasons why
parents
are responsible for rising obesity.
First
and foremost,
a lot of
parents
are uneducated
;
hence
, they are oblivious about nutrition,
that is
why they feed their
children
whatever feel or
think
is
good
for them,
as a result
, most.
For instance
, there is a plethora of
fast
food
shops who
often
tempt
children
to eat,
thus
most
parents
go along with
children
and eat, in order to
make
their
children
happy.

On the other hand
, the
government
is
also
accountable
because
they have authorities to ban
fast
foods
or any
food
which has an enormous amount of
fat
content.
For instance
, there are multiple harmful oils' brands which
people
import from
different
countries, these should
be banned
,
as well
as the
government
ought to facilitate healthier oils to serve in cooking.

The local
governments
need to encourage
people
to consume
food
which has less contained
fat
.
Therefore
,
some
people
consider that the
government
is
also
responsible towards in the rising percentage of obesity in young children.

To sum up, I would say that it is not
solely
the parents' responsibility, to
some
extent, the
government
's reluctant
behaviour
is accountable too in increasing obesity among
children
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that children who spend alot of time reading children s story books are wasting their time which could be better used doing other more useful activities v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
252 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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