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Some people think that children who spend alot of time reading children s story books are wasting their time which could be better used doing other more useful activities To what extent do you agree or disagree v.2

Some people think that children who spend alot of time reading children s story books are wasting their time which could be better used doing other more useful activities v. 2
It is deemed by many people that children waste a large part of their time by reading story- books whereas this time could be utilised by doing other activities. I completely agree with this point of view as sports and other curriculum activities are more beneficial for pupils. To begin with, it will be an absurd thought if a children expend most of his leisure time in reading story magazines while sitting at one place. The main reason is that children would become socially inactive and lethargic that would hinder the overall growth of a child. Therefore, it is better to indulge the pupils into sports which would make a child socially active as well as beneficial for physical development. For instance, hockey and cricket need to be played in groups in playground. These games will give them team spirit and a chance to make friendship that is not possible while reading story' s book. In addition, the same time can also be utilised by participating in the curricular activities such as, Dance, Singing, Painting and Sketching that would give them a chance to compete with real world, unlike stories where a child deals with the imaginary world. On the other hand, although imaginary powers would be enhanced, if a child reads story books but these skills could also be acquired through Painting and Sketching as well. To conclude, I reckon that children ought to be encouraged to participate in the sports and curricular activities which is beneficial for children' s intellectual and physical development rather than reading fairy tale' s books which could make a young one lethargic and antisocial.
It
is deemed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
waste a large part of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
story-
books whereas this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
could be
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilised' is British English.
utilised
by doing other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this point of view as sports and other curriculum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are more beneficial for pupils.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it will be an absurd
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
expend most of his leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
story
magazines while sitting at one place. The main reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would become
socially
inactive and lethargic that would hinder the
overall
growth of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
.
Therefore
, it is better to indulge the pupils into sports which would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
socially
active
as well
as beneficial for physical development.
For instance
, hockey and cricket need to
be played
in groups in playground. These games will give them team spirit and a chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friendship
that is
not possible while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
Possible spelling mistake found.
story&
#039; s book.

In addition
, the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
can
also
be
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilised' is British English.
utilised
by participating in the curricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
such as, Dance, Singing, Painting and Sketching that would give them a chance to compete with real world, unlike
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stories
where a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
deals with the imaginary world.
On the other hand
, although imaginary powers would
be enhanced
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
reads
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
story
books
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
could
also
be acquired
through Painting and Sketching
as well
.

To conclude
, I reckon that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
ought to
be encouraged
to participate in the sports and curricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
which is beneficial for
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s intellectual and physical development
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
fairy
Possible spelling mistake found.
tale&
#039; s books which could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a young one lethargic and antisocial.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Some people think that children who spend alot of time reading children s story books are wasting their time which could be better used doing other more useful activities v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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