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Notice posted around the libraryThe library is a place for reading, working on research, or studying only. It is not a concert hall. It is not a chat room. It is not a dining room. It is not a motel. This means that you may not play loud music in the libr v.1

Notice posted around the libraryThe library is a place for reading, working on research, or studying only. It is not a concert hall. It is not a chat room. It is not a dining room. It is not a motel. This means that you may not play loud music in the libr v. 1
Overall, obesity is not the outcome of eating lots, but it is the outcome of consuming unprocessed food. I disagree, with the given statement which says parents are responsible for their kids being obese, as obesity is a disease, which can be there due to two reasons eating a lot of junk food and not exercising enough. Firstly, culture across the world is changing and fast food is becoming more popular. Eating Breads, Burgers, and other Junk products are getting popular among kids, due to which children are getting fat. These products are now a part of our day to day life, due to its great marketing and selling strategies. For example, McDonalds is not just a food joint, but it's more of a toy store, which gives free toys with meals to lure kids from a very early age. However, exercise is one major factor that is responsible for children getting fat at an early stage. In recent years, the field technology has developed and produced some amazing gadgets like Personal computer, Mobile phones, which makes kids a couch potato from initial years of life. To illustrate, nowadays, everyone wants to stay at home on a sofa and play PUBG or other games on their phone or watch YouTube, ultimately stopping them from doing any kind of outdoor activities in their daily life. To conclude, I pen down, saying that fast food and less activity is responsible for kinds getting obese. Therefore, Parents can just motivate their kids to work out and help them eat responsibly, but they cannot be punished if they fail at it.
Overall
, obesity is not the outcome of eating lots,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is the outcome of consuming unprocessed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. I disagree, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement which says parents are responsible for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
being obese, as obesity is a disease, which can be there due to two reasons eating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and not exercising
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
.

Firstly
, culture across the world is changing and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is becoming more popular. Eating Breads, Burgers, and other Junk products are getting popular among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
, due to which children are getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
. These products are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
a part of our
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
life, due to its great marketing and selling strategies.
For example
,
Did you mean the fast food chain "McDonald's" (always spelled with a possessive apostrophe)?
McDonalds
is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
joint,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it's more of a toy store, which gives free toys with meals to lure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
from a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
early age.

However
, exercise is one major factor
that is
responsible for children getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
at an early stage. In recent years, the field technology has developed and produced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
amazing gadgets like Personal computer, Mobile phones, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
Possible agreement error. You should probably use: "kid".
kids
a couch potato from initial years of life. To illustrate, nowadays, everyone wants to stay at home on a sofa and play PUBG or other games on their phone or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
YouTube,
ultimately
stopping them from doing any kind of outdoor activities in their daily life.

To conclude
, I pen down, saying that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and less activity is responsible for kinds getting obese.
Therefore
, Parents can
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
motivate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to work out and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them eat
responsibly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they cannot
be punished
if they fail at it.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Notice posted around the libraryThe library is a place for reading, working on research, or studying only. It is not a concert hall. It is not a chat room. It is not a dining room. It is not a motel. This means that you may not play loud music in the libr v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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