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People have various ways of relieving stress. What are some of the ways that you find most effective in relieving stress? Give reasons and examples to support your response. v.1

People have various ways of relieving stress. What are some of the ways that you find most effective in relieving stress? Give reasons and examples to support your response. v. 1
It is a general argument that people nowadays should be married before they reach the age of thirty as this is best both for their career and for the society. Personally, being engaged at that age is the suitable and perfect time for us to think about growing up our next generation. At first, let regard to the positive aspect of the statement. For instance, some people seem unwelcome to marry. Learning, working and building career are their most important goals. If they are forced to marry when they are in a progress to make a better life, they will probably be frustrated, it may impact to their career or even bring them down. However, making a family before the transition age could be a good choice. People in 30 tend to think about what they have done and sometimes worried about their future. But if they already had a family, the worries would not be a problem. The spouse of Barack Obama, a former president of the USA, is a good example for family supporting. Furthermore, being at the middle age means we are in charge of our behaviours. When people are consciously responsible for the family, obviously domestic violence would be reduced. In consequence, children could have more chances to grow up in a good family. It is either best for the individual or for the society. In addition, it is up to everyone to engage sooner or after they are thirty. But before getting married, people should have a deep consideration and prepare for the family they will have.
It is a general argument that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays should
be married
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they reach the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of thirty as this is best both for their career and for the society.
Personally
,
being engaged
at that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is the suitable and perfect time for us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about growing up our
next
generation.

At
first
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
regard to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspect of the statement.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
seem unwelcome to marry. Learning, working and building career are their most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
goals. If they
are forced
to marry when they are in a progress to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a better life, they will
probably
be frustrated
, it may impact to their career or even bring them down.

However
, making a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the transition
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
could be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
choice.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
in 30 tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about what they have done and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
worried about their future.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
if they already had a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, the worries would not be a problem. The spouse of Barack Obama, a former president of the USA, is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
supporting.

Furthermore
, being at the middle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
means we are in charge of our
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
consciously
responsible for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
,
obviously
domestic violence would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
. In consequence, children could have more chances to grow up in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. It is either best for the individual or for the society.

In addition
, it is up to everyone to engage sooner or after they are thirty.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
getting married,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should have a deep consideration and prepare for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
they will have.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay People have various ways of relieving stress. What are some of the ways that you find most effective in relieving stress? Give reasons and examples to support your response. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
262 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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