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Some people think that children sould learn to compete, but others think they should be taught to co-operate so they could become more useful aduls. Give your opinion v.2

Some people think that children sould learn to compete, but others think they should be taught to co-operate so they could become more useful aduls. Give your opinion v. 2
With the advancement of the technology, everything, as well as our way of lives, has changed. In retrospect, we can see our ancestry co-operated for surviving, whilst the people are prone to reveal to be successful as there is no apparent danger for people’s life. Whether children should be taught to compete or co-operate is a heated topic and people take different attitudes. As far as I am concerned, I believe that living in a competitive environment has benefits neither to individuals nor to the society at large. As the proverb goes “Union is strength”, we owe to co-operating for our existence. İf our ancestries opted for rivalling rather than working together, probably, the human beings would not be alive today. There is no doubt that we can achieve good results as individuals, but the perfectness requires working in a team. As a result, we often see successful people associate their achievements with team-work. Secondly, in a competitive environment, people are likely to see each other as enemies, while they have a tendency to make friends in a team work. That is why parents should teach their offspring how to be helpful to each other for warranting their happiness. Because, maybe they can be prosperous, but contentment really needs friends. On the other hand, there are some who strongly states that the people around them just can bring drawbacks. As for them, life is based on competition, and to be the first person does not need any friends, even be able to leave everybody behind. More disturbingly, they teach their standpoints to their children for ensuring their success. These kinds of children do everything for their benefits, and some divine values such as friendship, help other people does not exist for them in later life. By way of conclusion, I reaffirm my position that parents should their children how to work together, as advantages of co-operating definitely overshadow that of rivalling.
With the advancement of the technology, everything,
as well
as our way of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
. In retrospect, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
our ancestry co-operated for surviving, whilst the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are prone to reveal to be successful as there is no apparent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
life. Whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be taught
to compete or co-operate is a heated topic and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
attitudes. As far as I
am concerned
, I believe that living in a competitive environment has benefits neither to individuals nor to the society at large.

As the proverb goes “Union is strength”, we owe to co-operating for our existence.
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İf
our ancestries opted for
Possible spelling mistake found.
rivalling
r
ather
than working together, p
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
robably,
the human beings would not be alive t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
oday.
There is no doubt that we can achieve g
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ood
results as individuals, b
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
ut
the perfectness requires working in a team. A
s a result,
we o
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
ften
s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ee
successful p
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
eople
associate their achievements with team-work.

S
econdly,
in a competitive environment, p
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
eople
are likely to s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ee
each
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other
as enemies, while they have a tendency to m
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ake
friends in a team work. T
hat is
why parents should teach their offspring how to be helpful to each
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other
for warranting their happiness. B
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
ecause,
maybe they can be prosperous, b
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
ut
contentment
really
needs friends.

On the
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other
hand, there are s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
ome
who
strongly
states that the p
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
eople
around them j
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
ust
can bring drawbacks. As for them, life
is based
on competition, and to be the f
irst
person does not need any friends, even be able to l
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
eave
everybody behind. More
disturbingly
, they teach their standpoints to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for ensuring their success. These kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do everything for their benefits, and s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
ome
divine values such as friendship, h
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
elp
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
p
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
eople
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
does
not exist for them in later life.

By way of conclusion, I reaffirm my position that parents should their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
how to work together, as advantages of co-operating definitely overshadow that of
Possible spelling mistake found.
rivalling
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Some people think that children sould learn to compete, but others think they should be taught to co-operate so they could become more useful aduls. Give your opinion v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
321 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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