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By investing in tourism we can earn a lot of revenue and growth in national economy. At the same time it destroys the local culture. v.2

By investing in tourism we can earn a lot of revenue and growth in national economy. At the same time it destroys the local culture. v. 2
Tourism is one of the biggest industries worldwide. It has grown, especially over the last few decades, by leaps and bounds. This is happening because the global citizen now takes even the slightest of chances to visit uncharted territory. So, all the countries are eager to invest more and more in tourism. It has its rich rewards, but there are drawbacks too. At the forefront of all demerits of tourism is the impact on local culture. Still, in my opinion, such demerits cannot outweigh the benefits of the tourism industry. In the modern age the culture of one country or society is open for all to observe and take part in. When in coming tourists get in touch of a local culture they do not necessarily destroy it. It is understandable that they leave a bit of their own cultural identity in the place they have visited. But that is not destruction rather a healthy demonstration of cultural mixing that is happening incessantly all over the world in other ways too, e. g. international media. On the other hand, if we miss out on the far reaching benefits of the tourism industry being foolishly bogged down by the illusionary ghouls of cultural destruction, we are only loosing. In reality tourism does not taint a local culture, rather it fortifies it. Tourist visiting places do not only sight-see but want to experience the diverse heritage and customs also. So, since destroying or transforming the local culture only makes a locality less attractive to spectators, tourism provides ample motivation to preserve our cultural identity. To conclude, we must declare tourism as a boon that encourages the peoples of the world to be themselves, not like the others, while rewarding those who have valued and glorified their culture in terms of much needed revenue.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Tourism
is one of the biggest industries worldwide. It has grown,
especially
over
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
the


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
last
few decades, by leaps and bounds. This is happening
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the global citizen
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now


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
takes
even the slightest of chances to visit uncharted territory.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, all the countries are

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
eager
to invest more and more in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
. It has its rich rewards,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
drawbacks


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
too
. At the forefront of all demerits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
is the impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
Still
, in my

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
opinion
, such demerits cannot outweigh the benefits of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
industry.

In the modern age the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
of one country or society is open for all to observe and

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
take
part in.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
in coming tourists
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in touch of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
they do
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not


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
necessarily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
it. It is understandable that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
a bit of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
cultural


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
identity
in the place they have visited.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
that is
not destruction
rather
a
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
healthy


demonstration of cultural mixing
that is
happening
incessantly
all over the world in other

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
ways
too,
There should be no space here: "e.g.".
e. g.
international media.

On the other hand
, if we miss out on the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
far reaching
benefits of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
industry

being
foolishly
bogged down by the illusionary ghouls of cultural destruction, we are

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
only
loosing. In reality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
does not taint a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
,
rather
it fortifies it. Tourist

visiting places do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
sight-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
want to experience the diverse heritage and

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
customs
also
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, since destroying or transforming the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a locality

less attractive to spectators,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
provides ample motivation to preserve our cultural

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
identity
.

To conclude
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
declare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
as a boon that encourages the peoples of the world

to be themselves, not like the others, while rewarding those who have valued and

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
glorified
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
in terms of
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
much needed
revenue.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
23Mistakes

IELTS essay By investing in tourism we can earn a lot of revenue and growth in national economy. At the same time it destroys the local culture. v. 2

Essay
  American English
22 paragraphs
301 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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