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Some people think that children should learn to compete, but other think that they should be taught to cooperate with others. What's your opinion? v.2

Some people think that children should learn to compete, but other think that they should be taught to cooperate with others. What's your opinion? v. 2
Over the past decades, education is on e of the greatest problem in our time. Although some people are option that collaboration should be encouraged between students, others claim that individualism and personal achievement seem to important value. In my opinion, cooperative learning is more favorable, despite some of its drawbacks. On the one hand, cooperative occurs when students work collaboratively towards a common goal. This means, students work together in a small clusters or groups will have a feeling of connection with other members of the group as they accomplish a common goal. Following on from this, not only can it enhance the sense of teamwork among the student but also it can enable students to exercise their communication skills, with much of their learning being involved face to face interaction. Furthermore, working in the group, each member is assigned with a task, which closely matches their strengths, expertise and aptitudes. It raises the possibility of student' s marking swift adjustment from school to work when the over comes. On the other hand, some characteristics of collaborative learning have made it inapplicable on some occasions. Even though collaborative work tends to favor ordinary or slow students with giving them more supports, it turn out that talented, eager students might learn little and become disenchanted over time. This situation can be remedied by encouraging inter-group competition, grouping students and allowing them to compete in groups. Therefore, individualism will make motivation for students who have independently thinking and readily for compete to protect their ideas. Taking the above I have mentioned, teacher should identify the best style for students and predict its outcome, either destructive or constructive. Collaborative learning brings more benefits, despite the possibility of impeding outstanding student' s personal development, a problem which should be handled with caution.
Over the past decades, education is on e of the greatest problem in our time. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are option that collaboration should
be encouraged
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, others claim that individualism and personal achievement seem to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
value. In my opinion, cooperative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
is more favorable, despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of its drawbacks.

On the one hand, cooperative occurs when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
collaboratively
towards a common goal. This means,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
together in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
clusters or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
will have a feeling of connection with other members of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
as they accomplish a common goal. Following on from this, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can it enhance the sense of teamwork among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it can enable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to exercise their communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, with much of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
If 'learning' is used as a verb, it usually requires the infinitive: "to be".
being
involved face to face interaction.
Furthermore
, working in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
, each member
is assigned
with a task, which
closely
matches their strengths, expertise and aptitudes. It raises the possibility of
Possible spelling mistake found.
student&
#039; s marking swift adjustment from school to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
when the over
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
characteristics of collaborative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
This verb is used with the infinitive: "to have"
have
made it inapplicable on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
occasions.
Even though
collaborative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
tends to favor ordinary or slow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with giving them more supports, it
Did you mean "turns"?
turn
out that talented, eager
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
might learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
and become disenchanted over time. This situation can
be remedied
by encouraging inter-group competition, grouping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and allowing them to compete in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
.
Therefore
, individualism will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
motivation for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who have
independently
thinking and
readily
for compete to protect their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
.

Taking the above I have mentioned, teacher should identify the best style for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and predict its outcome, either destructive or constructive. Collaborative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
brings more benefits, despite the possibility of impeding outstanding
Possible spelling mistake found.
student&
#039; s personal development, a problem which should
be handled
with caution.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Some people think that children should learn to compete, but other think that they should be taught to cooperate with others. What's your opinion? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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