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Some people think that children should go to nursery schools before attending primary school, while others believe that is better for children to stay all day with their families. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.2

Some people think that children should go to nursery schools before attending primary school, while others believe that is better for children to stay all day with their families. v. 2
people have different concerns about whether children should be enrolled in preschool classes or not. Although there is some truth in claiming that preschool classes may have little negative impacts on children’s health and life, I am inclined to believe that such classes are essential for building up better personalities. On the one hand, there are two principal causes why some people are against the idea of day-care schools; one of which is the hygienic aspect. To illustrate, not all nursery schools follow the standard hygienic measures; consequently, children might be susceptible to serious infections. For example, the recorded diarrhoea cases due to Ruta virus are 15% greater among children who attend nursery schools. An additional concern might be peer influence, by which a child could acquire inappropriate habits, such as lying. Therefore, it is not only children’s health that could be under threat but also their attitude. despite the above arguments, I would side with those who support sending their youngsters to preschools. Initially, preschools are important for children in their formative years as these schools are considered to be a miniature of society so that they help improve children’s social interaction as well as their tolerance to accept others’ differences. Moreover, daycare classes participate in tackling some psychological issues, for instance, dyslexia, owing to the engagement of the children with other peers which help improving child’s abilities to talk without stuttering. By way of conclusion, despite the notable adverse effects of joining preschool classes, I hold the notion that if children were enrolled in such classes, their chances to boost their social and mental abilities would considerably improve.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
concerns about whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be enrolled
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
preschool
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
or not. Although there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
truth in claiming that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
preschool
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
health and life, I
am inclined
to believe that such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
are essential for building up better personalities.

On the one hand, there are two principal causes why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are against the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of day-care
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
; one of which is the hygienic aspect. To illustrate, not all nursery
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
follow the standard hygienic measures;
consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
might be susceptible to serious infections.
For example
, the recorded
Possible spelling mistake. 'diarrhoea' is British English.
diarrhoea
cases due to
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ruta
virus are 15% greater among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who attend nursery
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. An additional concern might be peer influence, by which a child could acquire inappropriate habits, such as lying.
Therefore
, it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
health that could be under threat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
their attitude.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
despite
the above arguments, I would side with those who support sending their youngsters to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
preschools
.
Initially
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
preschools
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in their formative years as these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are considered
to be a miniature of society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
social interaction
as well
as their tolerance to accept others’ differences.
Moreover
, daycare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
participate in tackling
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
psychological issues,
for instance
, dyslexia, owing to the engagement of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with other peers which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
The verb 'help' is used with an infinitive: "to improve" or "improve".
improving
child’s abilities to talk without stuttering.

By way of conclusion, despite the notable adverse effects of joining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
preschool
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
, I hold the notion that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
were enrolled
in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
, their chances to boost their social and mental abilities would
considerably
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that children should go to nursery schools before attending primary school, while others believe that is better for children to stay all day with their families. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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