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Some people think that children should begin their formal education at a very early age and should spend most of their time on school studies. Others believe that young children should spend most of their time playing. Compare these two views. Which view do you agree with? Why? v.2

Some people think that children should begin their formal education at a very early age and should spend most of their time on school studies. Others believe that young children should spend most of their time playing. Compare these two views. Which view do you agree with? Why? v. 2
It is often argued by some that young ones ought to spend their hours on learning school subjects by beginning their kindergarten studies at an early age, while others think that they should contribute their time in physical activities. Whilst a discussion of both these views is worthwhile, I am a supporter of the latter view. On the one hand, early learning will aid the children to absorb things faster. In other words, they have the capacity to learn more things at a young age and it is a fresh mind, keen to remember courses whatever they learn in school. Moreover, it will help them to nourish their skills to compete with others in this contemporary world. For example, a recent survey report given by Hardward University states that kids who start their education at a very early age has the capability to grasp things and become brilliant than others who begin their studies at a later stage. However, I do not support this notion because it will be a burden for them to start their learning very early and soon they will be stressed which may lead to depression that will spoil their health. On the other hand, allowing a minor to allocate their days in playing will help them to rejuvenate their mind and body. That is to say that they will be physically fit and active for throughout the day will make their health in a better condition. Also, it will enhance their mental stability to prepare for their schoolings in the future. For instance, in most of the developed countries, people send their offsprings to school at the age of 5 which help their kids to be relaxed until the day 1 and mentally well prepared to go to the institute. In my opinion, I agree with this view as it helps them to learn more practical studies by playing and gaining the knowledge from them rather than being a bookworm. In conclusion, although people believe that their children can learn and incorporate information faster when they start their schoolings at an early age, I think, they have to give their hours in playing to refresh their mind and body to be physically and mentally fit for learning.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that young ones ought to spend their hours on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
school subjects by beginning their kindergarten studies at an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they should contribute their time in physical activities. Whilst a discussion of both these views is worthwhile, I am a supporter of the latter view.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
will aid the children to absorb things faster. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, they have the capacity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
more things at a young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
and it is a fresh mind, keen to remember courses whatever they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
in school.
Moreover
, it will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to nourish their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to compete with others in this contemporary world.
For example
, a recent survey report
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hardward
University states that kids who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their education at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
has the capability to grasp things and become
Use "(brilliant)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
brilliant
than others who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
their studies at a later stage.
However
, I do not support this notion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will be a burden for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
they will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
which may lead to depression that will spoil their health.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, allowing a minor to allocate their days in playing will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to rejuvenate their mind and body.
That is
to say that they will be
physically
fit and active for throughout the day will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their health in a better condition.
Also
, it will enhance their mental stability to prepare for their
Possible spelling mistake found.
schoolings
in the future.
For instance
, in most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
to school at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 5 which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
their kids to
be relaxed
until the day 1 and mentally
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well prepared
to go to the institute. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view as it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
more practical studies by playing and gaining the knowledge from them
rather
than being a bookworm.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that their children can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
and incorporate information faster when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their
Possible spelling mistake found.
schoolings at
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
give their hours in playing to refresh their mind and body to be
physically
and mentally fit for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that children should begin their formal education at a very early age and should spend most of their time on school studies. Others believe that young children should spend most of their time playing. Compare these two views. Which view do you agree with? Why? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
372 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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