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Some people think that children should begin their formal education at a very early age. Some think they should begin at least 7 years old. Discuss both views give opinions. v.2

Some people think that children should begin their formal education at a very early age. Some think they should begin at least 7 years old. v. 2
While some people believe that formal schooling should start as soon as possible, others think that they should not roll on until seven of age. Personally, I am of the letter with this school of thoughts for several reasons. To begin with, one might argue that children will be more intelligence and gain more knowledges as early as they start their primary education. This is predicated on the assumption that kids have a great capability to understand what they learn. For instance, if the early age student learned another language during his childhood, he will easily memories it and use it. Since they have a better beginning of education than those who are far behind because of starting late, children can grow up faster and enhance life- skills throughout numerous lessons. By studying along with their classmate, pupils tend to be competitive, motivated and independent as they aim to be the best scores and complete their homework on their owns. The one who has good schooling results can acquire the best jobs with well-paid and live happy. However, this line of reasoning is not sound when I note that over-burdening them with academic study and trying to beat others simply leads to stress. Children should be encouraged to enjoy their lives and not compete with peers. Moreover, if kids are taught formal subjects when they are not fully ready, they may start considering study as a burden. As a result, such children lose interest in studies. In a research, it has been found that most of the college dropouts had started gaining education when they were only 4 to 5 years old while the majority of innovative leaders started their formal education late. Also, kids need attention from their families, hence, staying home will develop their emotions and behaviour. By doing this, the kids will enter formal education personally developed with their well-creativity and amazing problem-solving skills. In conclusion, I believe that children should start formal schooling at the age of 7.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
formal
schooling should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they should not roll on until seven of age.
Personally
, I am of the letter with this school of thoughts for several reasons.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, one might argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will be more intelligence and gain more
Possible spelling mistake found.
knowledges
as early as they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
their primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. This
is predicated
on the assumption that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
have a great capability to understand what they learn.
For instance
, if the early age student learned another language during his childhood, he will
easily
memories it and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it. Since they have a better beginning of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
than those who are far behind
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of starting late,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can grow up faster and enhance life-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
throughout numerous lessons. By studying along with their classmate, pupils tend to be competitive, motivated and independent as they aim to be the best scores and complete their homework on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owns
. The one who has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
schooling results can acquire the best jobs with well-paid and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
happy.

However
, this line of reasoning is not sound when I note that over-burdening them with academic study and trying to beat others
simply
leads to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
should
be encouraged
to enjoy their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and not compete with peers.
Moreover
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
are taught
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
formal
subjects when they are not
fully
ready, they may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
considering study as a burden.
As a result
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
lose interest in studies. In a research, it has
been found
that most of the college dropouts had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
gaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
when they were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
4 to 5 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
while the majority of innovative leaders
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
formal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
late.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
need attention from their families,
hence
, staying home will develop their emotions and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. By doing this, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
will enter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
formal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
personally
developed with their well-creativity and amazing problem-solving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

In conclusion
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
formal
schooling at the age of 7.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that children should begin their formal education at a very early age. Some think they should begin at least 7 years old. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
332 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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