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Some people think that children should begin their formal education at a very early age. Some think they should begin at least 7 years old. Discuss both views give opinions. v.1

Some people think that children should begin their formal education at a very early age. Some think they should begin at least 7 years old. v. 1
Our world has witnessed the increasing in the number of people who use languages such as Chinese, Spanish, American while the other languages are being less common. I personally suppose that this trend would create certain benefits, but there will be some drawbacks. On the one hand, the widely use of a number of languages might bring some advantages. The increasing use of some languages will have a beneficial effect on communication between people from different countries. For instance, English has become the common language in many parts of the world, therefore, people come from different countries can communicate with the others easier in some circumstances. Using well-trained a popular language might brings some advantages for career life. To be more precious, international companies always require their employees must have the ability to communicate by English fluently. On the other hand, the advantages that some dominant languages are undeniable, however, I would argue that this development can also bring some drawbacks. It is a fact that the dominant languages bring their own culture and endanger others, so losing a language means a culture is on the verge of extinction. To illustrate, there are approximately 52 millions Filipinos use English as their mother tongue in Philippine. This is the result of years of domination. Otherwise, languages stand for the history of civilizations. As an example, some ancient books and documents were written in many forgotten languages and still can not be extracted nowadays. In conclusion, the increasing use of a few languages and the decline of others is both a positive as well as a negative development. However, I believe that it is necessary to save these dying languages to conserve our cultural diversity.
Our world has witnessed the increasing in the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
such as Chinese, Spanish, American while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
are being less common. I
personally
suppose that this trend would create certain benefits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks.

On the one hand, the
widely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
might
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages. The increasing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
will have a beneficial effect on communication between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries.
For instance
, English has become the common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parts of the world,
therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries can communicate with the others easier in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
circumstances. Using well-trained a popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
might
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages for career life. To be more precious, international
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
always require their employees
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have the ability to communicate by English
fluently
.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, the advantages that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
dominant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
are undeniable,
however
, I would argue that this development can
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks. It is a fact that the dominant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
culture and endanger others,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
losing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
means a culture is on the verge of extinction. To illustrate, there are approximately 52 millions Filipinos
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
English as their mother tongue in Philippine. This is the result of years of domination.
Otherwise
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
stand for the history of civilizations. As an example,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ancient books and documents
were written
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
forgotten
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
and
still
can not
be extracted
nowadays.

In conclusion
, the increasing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
and the decline of others is both a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development.
However
, I believe that it is necessary to save these dying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
to conserve our cultural diversity.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that children should begin their formal education at a very early age. Some think they should begin at least 7 years old. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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