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Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. Tp what extent do you agree with this view? v.6

Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. Tp what extent do you agree with this view? v. 6
It is sometimes argued that secondary school students ought to be engaged in mandatory unpaid community service as part of their school curriculum. Whereas community service has a number of potential drawbacks, I believe, they are both outweighed and outnumbered by the benefits. This essay will examine the merits and demerits of this phenomenon followed by my personal point of view. On the one hand, compulsory community service in high schools has a number of potential drawbacks; chief among them, diminishing the students’ chance of admission into competitive colleges and universities owing to the fact that it would lead to consuming a considerable portion of the students’ time resulting in a drastic decline in their academic performance. As a consequence, there would be a substantial decrease in their competitiveness and the likelihood to receive admission by the universities of their choice. This has been evidenced by a recent study conducted by the University of Toront concluding that the schools that have subjected the students to obligatory community service have seen their students grades and university admission rate fall by 20% and 25% respectively. On the other hand however, mandatory community service in high schools has numerous undeniable benefits the most important of which are enhanced academic performance and better career opportunities. This is due to the fact that serving the community results in a substantial increase in the students’ interaction with the society contributing to a significant growth in their social intelligence and skill level. Consequently, they will be more proficient, experienced and competitive and therefore will have a considerably higher chance of success in their future careers which will in turn benefit not only themselves but also the society as a whole. Based on a recent survey by the Toronto District School Board, the schools that have adopted this policy over the past decade report a noticeable rise/boost in the students’ performance level particularly in social studies. In conclusion, while incorporating unpaid community service into the schools’ mandatory curriculum has several potential demerits such as consuming the students’ time and possibly affecting their grades, these disadvantages are undeniably eclipsed by the merits including higher levels of social intelligence as well as increased likelihood of success in their future careers.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
argued that secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
ought to
be engaged
in mandatory unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
as part of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum. Whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
has a number of potential drawbacks, I believe, they are both outweighed and outnumbered by the benefits. This essay will examine the merits and demerits of this phenomenon followed by my personal point of view.

On the one hand, compulsory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
in high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
has a number of potential drawbacks; chief among them, diminishing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
chance of admission into competitive colleges and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
owing to the fact that it would lead to consuming a considerable portion of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
time resulting in a drastic decline in their academic performance. As a consequence, there would be a substantial decrease in their competitiveness and the likelihood to receive admission by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
of their choice. This has
been evidenced
by a recent study conducted by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Toront
concluding that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
that have subjected the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to obligatory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
grades and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
admission rate fall by 20% and 25%
respectively
.

On the other hand
however
, mandatory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
in high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
has numerous undeniable benefits the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
of which
are enhanced
academic performance and better career opportunities.
This is due to the fact that
serving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
results in a substantial increase in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
interaction with the society contributing to a significant growth in their social intelligence and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
level.
Consequently
, they will be more proficient, experienced and competitive and
therefore
will have a
considerably
higher chance of success in their future careers which will in turn benefit not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
themselves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the society as a whole. Based on a recent survey by the Toronto District
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
School
Board, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
that have adopted this policy over the past decade report a noticeable rise/boost in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
performance level
particularly
in social studies.

In conclusion
, while incorporating unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools’
mandatory curriculum has several potential demerits such as consuming the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
time and
possibly
affecting their grades, these disadvantages are
undeniably
eclipsed by the merits including higher levels of social intelligence
as well
as increased likelihood of success in their future careers.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. Tp what extent do you agree with this view? v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
370 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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