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Some people think that children should be sent to nursery school before they go to primary school, while others think it is better if they stay at home? Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people think that children should be sent to nursery school before they go to primary school, while others think it is better if they stay at home? v. 2
It is sometimes argued that it is necessary to minimize the movement of people from home for work, education or shopping in order to reduce the traffic in cities. I completely agree with this idea and also think that is important to reduce hospital appointments, these measures will reduce the vehicular congestion and have a positive impact on the planet. It is obvious that traffic congestion is a big problem in our society and it will be beneficial if people can work, study and shop without moving from their house. There are a lot studies that prove the high efficiency of home office, which allow people to don’t drive and reduce the traffic in rush hours. Education is another important topic, schools and universities could adopt online classes in order to reduce the amount of cars on roads. Students will not need to travel long distances in rush hours to get on time to their classes. It is also true that shopping centres concentrate a lot of cars in the nearby. In addition, it is necessary to do online shopping and then a delivery guy will send items to people´s home. There are other options to reduce the amount of cars in roads, for instance, doctors could give online appointments to their patients, this practice will allow lower fluency of people in the hospital and only real sick people have to be there. A big positive aspect of these ideas is the reduction of gas emissions to the atmosphere, if people don’t use their cars there will be not contamination of the planet. In conclusion, in order to regulate the jam on roads is necessary to reduce the need for people to travel for work, education and shopping and hospitals, this method will have a positive impact on the planet and will reduce the vehicle congestion.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
argued that it is necessary to minimize the movement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from home for work, education or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
in order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
the traffic in cities. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
hospital appointments, these measures will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
the vehicular congestion and have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on the planet.

It is obvious that traffic congestion is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
problem in our society and it will be beneficial if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can work, study and shop without moving from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
. There are
If you mean a great quantity, use "a lot of studies"?
a lot studies
that prove the high efficiency of home office, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to don’t drive and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
the traffic in rush hours. Education is another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
topic, schools and universities could adopt online classes in order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
on roads. Students will not need to travel long distances in rush hours to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
on time to their classes. It is
also
true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
concentrate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
in the nearby.
In addition
, it is necessary to do online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
and then a delivery guy will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
items to
The character between 'people' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "people’s" (curly apostrophe) or "people's" (straight apostrophe).
people´s
home.

There are other options to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
in roads,
for instance
, doctors could give online appointments to their patients, this practice will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
lower fluency of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the hospital and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
real sick
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be there. A
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspect of these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
is the reduction of gas emissions to the atmosphere, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
there will be not contamination of the planet.

In conclusion
, in order to regulate the jam on roads is necessary to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
the need for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to travel for work, education and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
and hospitals, this method will have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on the planet and will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
the vehicle congestion.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that children should be sent to nursery school before they go to primary school, while others think it is better if they stay at home? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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