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Some people think that children should be sent to nursery school before they go to primary school, while others think that it is better if they stay at home. v.1

Some people think that children should be sent to nursery school before they go to primary school, while others think that it is better if they stay at home. v. 1
Some people believe that children should be participated in nursery school before they go to school but others reckon that it is better if they stay at home. I will discuss both views with elaboration and I broadly agree that sending children to nursery school is better than staying at home. On the one hand, sending children to nursery school before they go to primary school can be positive consequences. To begin with, children can be familiar with school book and exam. So this, in turn, causes they can easily associate with the book and they can learn how to behave with others so they might be a sociable person both at school and at home. Being sociable stems from self-confidence and it is a root cause so if they have a self-confidence, it's quite probable highly likely become a successful person when growing. Another compelling reason might be learning nursery skills can be fruitful for children, even it causes when they exposed to illness learn how to keep themselves from disease so it might be beneficial for children and their parents. On the other hand, some people think that for children staying at home may be better rather than going to nursery school. If children stay at home, they might have more opportunity to do it so they can play more with their toys. To simply put, they can play with the children the same age or they can participate in practical classes. They do not have to get up at an early time, so they have a relax childish and lifestyle. In conclusion, I’m of the opinion children participate nursery school, it’s probable should have a better chance and successful life. So they should not waste their precious time with fruitless pastimes such as playing with their toys.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be participated
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nursery
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
others reckon that it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
if they stay at home. I will discuss both views with elaboration and I
broadly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that sending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nursery
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
than staying at home.

On the one hand, sending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nursery
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they go to primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
consequences. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can be familiar with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
book and exam.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
this, in turn, causes they can
easily
associate with the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
book and
they can learn how to behave with others
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be a sociable person both at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and at home. Being sociable stems from self-confidence and it is a root cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
if they have a self-confidence, it's quite probable
highly
likely become a successful person when growing. Another compelling reason
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nursery
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
can be fruitful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, even it causes when they exposed to illness learn how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
themselves from disease
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and their parents.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
staying at home may be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
rather
than going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nursery
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
stay at home, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
have more opportunity to do it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can play more with their toys. To
simply
put, they can play with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
the same
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
age or
they can participate in practical classes. They do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
up at an early time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they have
After 'a', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'relax' is correct. If 'relax' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
a relax
childish and lifestyle.

In conclusion
, I’m of the opinion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
participate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nursery
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, it’s probable should have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
chance and successful life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they should not waste their precious time with fruitless pastimes such as playing with their toys.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that children should be sent to nursery school before they go to primary school, while others think that it is better if they stay at home. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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