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In current society many people are struggling with obesity What is the main cause of this What are the effects v.1

In current society many people are struggling with obesity What is the main cause of this What are the effects v. 1
Although it is believed by some parents should responsible for teaching about healthy eating habits, others think onus on teachers. In my opinion, I believe there should be combined effort of both to achieve positive results. On the one hand, some people have an opinion, it is the parent's responsibility to make children aware about good eating habits because of the following reasons. To start with, parents are considered as a Frontline care provider and they are the only one who understand their children very well. In other words, they have a great power to influence their children's thoughts and children very receptive about their parent's saying. To illustrate, It is clearly seen that children who live with their guardians are away from unscrupulous ways and stay more healthy and fit. So, parents' role for teaching about healthy lifestyle is an indispensability. On the other hand, other people think the onus is on the teacher's shoulder to tell them about eating of healthy food. Firstly, students spends the majority of their time in school with teachers in constructive ways. Moreover, what a teacher teaches them they listen to very carefully and try to adapt it. In other words, educators use so many interesting ways, such as visual effects and other vivid pictures which make a long lasting effect on the pupil's brain. For instance, data shown that the children of those schools are more healthy where health is considered as a subject in comparison to other schools. In my opinion, I think parents and teachers both are responsible to teach children about healthy life style. Hence, both of them should intervene and exhort the children to increase their compliance towards healthy eating. In conclusion, despite different people have their own views. I consider the role of both parents and teachers is crucial and incredible to teach youngsters about healthy way of eating.
Although it
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should responsible for teaching about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
habits, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
onus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
. In my opinion, I believe there should
be combined
effort of both to achieve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
results.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have an opinion, it is the parent's responsibility to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
aware about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
habits
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the following reasons. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are considered
as a
Possible spelling mistake found.
Frontline
care
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
provider and
they are the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one who understand their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, they have a great power to influence their children's thoughts and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
receptive about their parent's saying. To illustrate, It is
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with their guardians are away from unscrupulous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
and stay more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
and fit.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, parents' role for teaching about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
lifestyle is an indispensability.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the onus is on the teacher's shoulder to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
them about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
food.
Firstly
, students spends the majority of their time in school with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
in constructive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
.
Moreover
, what a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
teaches them they listen to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
carefully
and try to adapt it. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, educators
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
interesting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
, such as visual effects and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
vivid pictures which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
long lasting
effect on the pupil's brain.
For instance
, data shown that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
of those schools are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
where health
is considered
as a subject
in comparison
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
schools.

In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
both are responsible to teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
life style.
Hence
, both of them should intervene and exhort the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to increase their compliance towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
eating.

In conclusion
, despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
views. I consider the role of both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
is crucial and incredible to teach youngsters about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay In current society many people are struggling with obesity What is the main cause of this What are the effects v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
312 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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