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Some people think that children should be given lessons on how to manage money in the school. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people think that children should be given lessons on how to manage money in the school. v. 1
In our present world, matters relating to money are highly sensitive. It is therefore thought by some that children ought to be thought lessons on financial management in schools. In my opinion, I agree that money management lectures are to be taught in schools as it will greatly benefit the individual and society. To begin, one of the beneficial reasons of teaching children money conservation skills is that it makes them value money. Money does not grow on trees and these teachings will help them know that money is not easy to come by. For instance, when young ones are taught that they could go into financial crisis when they spend recklessly, they become more conscious of what they buy. This helps them to have a financial plan. Again, giving lessons to youngsters about managing finances teaches them how to save. In other words, they are able to buy things for themselves from their savings. This helps them avoid buying on impulse and enables them to save up for more relevant things without having to ask their parents for extra cash. Finally, children learn to become responsible adults in terms of finances when coached on how to manage cash in schools. Researches have shown that children are born as tabula rasa. That is, their minds are like clean slates. So, they tend to abide by whatever they learn at the early stage of life and this stays with them throughout their entire life. Therefore, finance management skills, when taught early in life, helps the child develop financial integrity. With this, they cultivate the spirit of accountability, which helps them become responsible citizens in the society. In conclusion, children grow to value money and become responsible citizens when given teachings on money management skills in school.
In our present world, matters relating to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
are
highly
sensitive. It is
therefore
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
ought to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
lessons on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
management
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
management
lectures are to
be taught
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
as it will
greatly
benefit the individual and society.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, one of the beneficial reasons of teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
conservation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
is that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them value
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
does not grow on trees and these teachings will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them know that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is not easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
by.
For instance
, when young ones
are taught
that they could go into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
crisis when they spend
recklessly
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
more conscious of what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
plan.

Again, giving lessons to youngsters about managing finances teaches them how to save.
In other words
, they are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things for themselves from their savings. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them avoid buying on impulse and enables them to save up for more relevant things without having to ask their parents for extra cash.

Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
responsible adults in terms of finances when coached on how to manage cash in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. Researches have shown that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are born
as tabula rasa.
That is
, their minds are like clean slates.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they tend to abide by whatever they learn at the early stage of life and this stays with them throughout their entire life.
Therefore
, finance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
management
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, when taught early in life,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
the child develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
integrity. With this, they cultivate the spirit of accountability, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
responsible citizens in the society.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
grow to value
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
responsible citizens when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
teachings on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
management
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that children should be given lessons on how to manage money in the school. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
295 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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