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Some people think that cars is the best wat to tavel in cities while others believe a bicycle is better way. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think that cars is the best wat to tavel in cities while others believe a bicycle is better way. v. 1
Certainly in this 21st century many people prefer to use appropriate vehicle to accelerate activities. Therefore, cars considered as best way to support their movement. In my perspective, using bike is better alternative due to health and environmental reason. Many people have own reasons why people prefer cars over bicycles to commute from one to another place. As the main background, urban society finds cars as the most effective transportation to support their mobility due to their high rate activities. To illustrate, many workers in big city rush off to arrive at the work place. However, they can minimize the traveling period using cars. It seems to me that cars are the most time-saving mode of transport and suitable for city citizen. On the other hand, riding bicycle is good choice for health and beneficial for environment issues. These days, people are more concern about their health. Therefore, cycling helps to burn extra calories and prevents cardiovascular disease. Since people in city do not have time for exercise, it is better to use bike as a transportation mode, yet they work out at the same time. The other reason, it is environmentally friendly since a bike does not run any harmful gases which damage the ozone layer. If people in downtown begin cycling to their work instead of driving private car, it would beneficial to prevent the air from pollution and the city temperature resulting a slight drop in the future. From my point or view, it is true that cars have benefits for the user. However, the increase of cycle user can give great impact for both environment and healthier lifestyle.
Certainly
in this 21st century
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
appropriate vehicle to accelerate activities.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
considered as best way to support their movement. In my perspective, using bike is better alternative due to health and environmental reason.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
over bicycles to commute from one to another place. As the main background, urban society finds
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
as the most effective transportation to support their mobility due to their high rate activities. To illustrate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
workers in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
city rush off to arrive at the work place.
However
, they can minimize the traveling period using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
. It seems to me that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
are the most time-saving mode of transport and suitable for city citizen.

On the other hand
, riding bicycle is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
choice for health and beneficial for environment issues. These days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more concern about their health.
Therefore
, cycling
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to burn extra calories and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
cardiovascular disease. Since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in city do not have time for exercise, it is better to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
bike as a transportation mode,
yet
they work out at the same time. The other reason, it is
environmentally
friendly since a bike does not run any harmful gases which damage the ozone layer. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in downtown
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
cycling to their work
instead
of driving private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
, it
It seems that a verb or adverb has been misspelled or is missing here.
would beneficial
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the air from pollution and the city temperature resulting a slight drop in the future.

From my point or view, it is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
have benefits for the user.
However
, the increase of cycle user can give great impact for both environment and healthier lifestyle.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that cars is the best wat to tavel in cities while others believe a bicycle is better way. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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