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Governments around the world are spending billions in support of space programs. This money would be better spent on research into improvements in human health. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.4

Governments around the world are spending billions in support of space programs. This money would be better spent on research into improvements in human health. with this opinion? v. 4
Nowadays, developed and developing countries are spending huge sums on space projects while many epidemic and pandemic are still remaining incurable around the globe. Huge number of people is dying of diseases while cure is still not found. I believe any scientific research ignoring the health of people is unjustifiable and discuss it further. To begin with, in this era of advanced technology and luxurious life style, many deadly diseases are wreaking havoc with human’s fragile fight for survival. Some to them are aids, cancers and genetic disorders. It requires a huge sum of money to find treatment of such deadly diseases. Moreover, industrialization is the major reason of rising pollution which eventually results in several disorders like cardio-vascular, diabetes. So, money should be spent to make life comfortable and free from diseases. In addition, lunching space shuttle requires huge money and also cause pollution, thus it is not beneficial. However, space research is done with the view of making future safe. To illustrate, human research for making colonies on other planets to cope up with the problem growing population which is the major problem that earth is facing. As well as, important metals and resources required to save life on earth are getting scarce on earth, so it seems must to find them out on the nearby planets to meet up their demand on earth. Furthermore, it is also believed that human may come up with the panacea for all diseases through their space research efforts. To sum up, no doubt, space research should be funded but not ignoring the health. Human life is more important than heavenly bodies.
Nowadays, developed and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
are spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
huge
sums on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
projects while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
epidemic and pandemic are
still
remaining incurable around the globe.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Huge
number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
is dying of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
while cure is
still
not found. I believe any scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
ignoring the health of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
is unjustifiable and discuss it
further
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, in this era of advanced technology and luxurious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
style,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
deadly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
are wreaking havoc with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human’s
fragile fight for survival.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
to them are aids, cancers and genetic disorders. It requires a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
huge
sum of money to find treatment of such deadly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
.
Moreover
, industrialization is the major reason of rising pollution which
eventually
results in several disorders like cardio-vascular, diabetes.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, money should
be spent
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
comfortable and free from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
.
In addition
, lunching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
shuttle requires
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
huge
money and
also
cause pollution,
thus
it is not beneficial.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
is done
with the view of making future safe. To illustrate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
for making colonies on other planets to cope up with the problem growing population which is the major problem that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earth
is facing.
As well
as,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
metals and resources required to save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earth
are getting scarce on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earth
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it seems
After 'must', the verb is used without 'to'. Probably, you should use "must" or "have to" here.
must to
find them out on the nearby planets to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
up their demand on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earth
.
Furthermore
, it is
also
believed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with the panacea for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
through their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
efforts.

To sum up, no doubt,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
should
be funded
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not ignoring the health.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than heavenly bodies.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Governments around the world are spending billions in support of space programs. This money would be better spent on research into improvements in human health. with this opinion? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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