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Some people think that cars are the best way to travel in city, while others believe that bicycles are better. Discuss both views and gives your opinions. v.2

Some people think that cars are the best way to travel in city, while others believe that bicycles are better. v. 2
Some people prefer to use a car for travelling, while others like for the bicycles. In my opinion, both modes of transport have their advantages and disadvantages. However, I prefer the pedal for travelling short distances. The biggest merits of bicycles that they are an eco-friendly mode of transport. They do not release any green gases or air pollution. Bicycles are also a cheap mode of transport because they do not need any fuel. Another advantage of riding a bike is that you can gain healthiness because it helps the rider to prevent some disease. However, bike riding is physically demanding task and not suitable for long distance journey. Another disadvantage of bicycles is that bike doesn’t have any protection rain or shine. Cars, by contrast, are the ultimate in comfort. They allow people to travel in air-conditioned environment and provide adequate protection from any weather. Another advantage of travelling by auto is, car ride can reach a high speed. In addition cars have some disadvantages such as, automobile travelling is expensive because van needs fuel, auto emits the greenhouse gasses which is polluted the air, travelling by bus is having a big risk for an accident because van moves with high speed, travelling by van is needing a good preparation and concentrate because with a high speed of jeep anything can be happened. In summary, both cars and bicycles have their pluses and minuses. Personally, I would like prefer a bicycle if the journey is short and supported by good weather. However, I prefer to take a wagon for long distance journey
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prefer
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
, while others like for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bicycles
. In my opinion, both modes of transport have their advantages and disadvantages.
However
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prefer
the pedal for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
short distances.

The biggest merits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bicycles
that they are an eco-friendly mode of transport. They do not release any green gases or air pollution.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Bicycles
are
also
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
mode of transport
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not need any fuel. Another advantage of riding a bike is that you can gain healthiness
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the rider to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disease.
However
, bike riding is
physically
demanding task and not suitable for long distance journey. Another disadvantage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bicycles
is that bike doesn’t have any protection rain or shine.

Cars, by contrast, are the ultimate in comfort. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to travel in air-conditioned environment and provide adequate protection from any weather. Another advantage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
by auto is,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
ride can reach a high speed. In
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
addition
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cars
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages such as, automobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
is expensive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
van needs fuel, auto emits the greenhouse gasses which
is polluted
the air,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
by bus is having a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
for an accident
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
van
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moves
with high speed,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
by van
The verb 'needing' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
is needing
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
preparation and concentrate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
with a high speed of jeep anything can
be happened
.

In summary, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bicycles
have their pluses and minuses.
Personally
, I would like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prefer
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bicycle
if the journey is short and supported by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
weather.
However
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prefer
to take a wagon for long distance journey
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some people think that cars are the best way to travel in city, while others believe that bicycles are better. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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