Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people think that browsing internet is highly beneficial for the children while others are not, they belive it causes serious mental problem for the kids. do you agree or disagree v.1

Some people think that browsing internet is highly beneficial for the children while others are not, they belive it causes serious mental problem for the kids. v. 1
At present, children are spending a plenty of time by browsing internet via computer and mobile phone. Some people consider that these activities are not suitable for the children's mental health. Similarly, I will clinch this assertion, and examine why this statement is viable according to me. Let us understand the reason why I consider that surfing internet is injurious for the youngsters. To begin with, the most inconvenient fact is enhancing unsocial activities. By using social applications such as YouTube, the kids are obtaining wrong behaviors; therefore, they apply unsocial behavior manners with their family members. For instance, a local newspaper published news that 58% of young generation learning aggresive words from the internet. Besides, increasing health obstacles is one more negative issue which cannot be disregarded as well. When the baby’s young members are spending huge time in online games or internet, it can cause severe dilemmas for child's body. As a result, the children are diseased in neurons, heart, and eyes. Although, it is said that long time using internet does not affect child's mentality. Firstly, rising knowledge is a convenient point. When the children are watching study related videos, they can achieve numerous information about the world; thus, they lead a meaningful life. Nevertheless, I believe that every kid should less time in internet because the youngster can involve with crime and adult content when surfing internet more. For example, the researcher are is indicating that crime show in online change infants mind badly. So, it is an irrefutable fact that all children should spend less time in internet. To conclude, though, the internet has bunches of positivity’s for children's mentality; however, I assume that it brings much negetivities rather than plus points.
At present,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are spending a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
by browsing internet via computer and mobile phone.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
consider that these activities are not suitable for the children's mental health.
Similarly
, I will clinch this assertion, and examine why this statement is viable according to me.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
us understand the reason why I consider that surfing internet is injurious for the youngsters. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the most inconvenient fact is enhancing unsocial activities. By using social applications such as YouTube, the kids are obtaining
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
behaviors;
therefore
, they apply unsocial behavior manners with their family members.
For instance
, a local newspaper published news that 58% of young generation learning
Possible spelling mistake found.
aggresive
words from the internet.
Besides
, increasing health obstacles is one more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
issue which cannot
be disregarded
as well
. When the baby’s young members are spending huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in online games or internet, it can cause severe dilemmas for child's body.
As a result
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are diseased
in neurons, heart, and eyes.

“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
, it
is said
that long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
using internet does not affect child's mentality.
Firstly
, rising knowledge is a convenient point. When the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are watching study related videos, they can achieve numerous information about the world;
thus
, they lead a meaningful life.
Nevertheless
, I believe that every kid should less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in internet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the youngster can involve with crime and adult content when surfing internet more.
For example
, the researcher are is indicating that crime
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
in online
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
infants mind
badly
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is an irrefutable fact that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should spend less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in internet.

To conclude
, though, the internet has bunches of positivity’s for children's mentality;
however
, I assume that it brings much
Possible spelling mistake found.
negetivities
rather
than plus points.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that browsing internet is highly beneficial for the children while others are not, they belive it causes serious mental problem for the kids. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts