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Some people think that both travellers and business people must have the same attitude to local people and the traditions of countries they visit. v.1

Some people think that both travellers and business people must have the same attitude to local people and the traditions of countries they visit. v. 1
There has been a significant increase in travelling over the last few years.   People tend to travel for the sake of entertainment, exploration and business activities. Some people argue that travellers should obey and respect about religious beliefs and tradition of the countries they visited. Others claim that visitors are not bound to practice the local people beliefs and should have the independence to live according to their own set of rules. I strongly believe that foreigners must act accordingly to the traits and norms of visiting country. It is commonly seen that some of the travellers do not care about others sentiments and they like to perform their own rituals openly in public places. They claim that it is permissible in free and open society. However, this could have detrimental effects as some people could act violently and can create riots in a society. On the other side, it is our moral and ethical duty to respect others religions. Being as a visitor one has to follow the customs, traditions and traits of the destination country. This will help them in knowing about cultures and others traits of the society. This will also leave a positive message to the local people. To conclude, I would like to say that tourists represent their country and their acts and behaviour can help in developing their good image to outside world. Therefore, travellers and business people should mould themselves according to place and situation; it is also a natural phenomenon that ‘gives respect take respect’.
There has been a significant increase in travelling over the last few years.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
tend to travel for the sake of entertainment, exploration and business activities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
should obey and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
respect
about religious beliefs and tradition of the countries they visited. Others claim that visitors are not bound to practice the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
beliefs and should have the independence to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
according to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
set of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
. I
strongly
believe that foreigners
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
act
accordingly
to the traits and norms of visiting country.

It is
commonly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
do not care about others
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
sentiments and
they like to perform their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
rituals
openly
in public places. They claim that it is permissible in free and open society.
However
, this could have detrimental effects as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could act
violently
and can create riots in a society.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
side, it is our moral and ethical duty to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
respect
others religions. Being as a visitor one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
follow the customs, traditions and traits of the destination country. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in knowing about cultures
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
traits of the society. This will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
message to the local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To conclude
, I would like to say that tourists represent their country and their acts and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in developing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
image to outside world.
Therefore
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
and business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
Possible spelling mistake. 'mould' is British English.
mould
themselves according to place and situation; it is
also
a natural phenomenon that ‘gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
respect
take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
respect’
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that both travellers and business people must have the same attitude to local people and the traditions of countries they visit. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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