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Children nowadays spend a great deal of time watching television. However, television cannot replace the book as a learning tool, which is why children are less well-educated today. v.34

Children nowadays spend a great deal of time watching television. However, television cannot replace the book as a learning tool, which is why children are less well-educated today. v. 34
The main reason of poor education quality among children nowadays is that they spend a lot of  their time watching television programmes and do things that are remotely connected to quality education. I completely agree with the statement that television cannot replace the book as a learning tool as it is far less educative and far more addictive. Firstly, television cannot replace books as learning materials owing to the fact that children often misuse television in the disappearance of parents. For instance, educative programs are less attractive than the cartoon shows and other programs children prefer to watch. While there are lots of educative and suitable programs, it is not unusual that a child would prefer to watch programs that entertain more than educating. Another reason television is not as suitable as a book because when children learn through television then their focus will be on audio-visual presentation, not in learning. Whereas if they follow books then they focus on books and the lessons it offers. It is often heard that many children watch TV for long hours and that is detrimental to their health. Television programs are addictive and many children do not concentrate on other important things like study or outdoor activity when they become addicted to watching TV programs. Finally, television cannot replace the book as learning tool due to television might be a tool that would be wastage of time.   However, if children spend more time in reading books there is no chance of wastage of time. The primary focus of television is entertaining people while books are considered as the cornerstone of knowledge and wisdom. To conclusion, although television is more entertaining than books, it cannot become a great tool for education as books are for children. The book is still the most appropriate learning tool and the television can never replace it terms of child’s education.
The main reason of poor
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education
quality among
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children
nowadays is that they spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
their
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time
watching
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television
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
and do things that are
remotely
connected to quality
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education
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement that
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television
cannot
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replace
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tool
as it is far less educative and far more addictive.

Firstly
,
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television
cannot
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replace
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
materials owing to the fact that
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children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
misuse
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television
in the disappearance of parents.
For instance
, educative
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programs
are less attractive than the cartoon
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
and other
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programs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
. While there are lots of educative and suitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
, it is not unusual that a child would prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
that entertain more than educating.

Another reason
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television
is not as suitable as a
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book
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when
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children
learn through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
then their focus will be on audio-visual presentation, not in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
. Whereas if they follow
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books
then they focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
and the lessons it offers.

It is
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often
heard that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
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children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
TV for long hours and
that is
detrimental to their health.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
are addictive and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not concentrate on other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
things like study or outdoor activity when they become addicted to watching TV programs.

Finally
,
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television
cannot
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replace
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
as
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learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tool
due to
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television
might be a
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tool
that would be wastage of
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time
.
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However
, if
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children
spend more
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time
in reading
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books
there is no chance of wastage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. The primary focus of
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television
is entertaining
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
while
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books
are considered
as the cornerstone of knowledge and wisdom.

To conclusion, although
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television
is more entertaining than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
, it cannot become a great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tool
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
are for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. The
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book
is
still
the most appropriate
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learning
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tool
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
can never
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replace
it terms of child’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
58Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Children nowadays spend a great deal of time watching television. However, television cannot replace the book as a learning tool, which is why children are less well-educated today. v. 34

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
313 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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