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Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development? v.41

Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development? v. 41
Today, more than ever, when it comes to the issue of determining whether or not advances in technology affect the types of relationship individual make a plethora of perspective have been put forward. The expansion of modern means of communication is the ongoing debate which triggers so much controversy. This issue is fiercely criticised by some experts who are on the view that they pose a direct threat to social lives and may come at the expense of a severe social isolation and sedentary lifestyle. Others realise the significance of these means of communications and stick to the idea that these types of relationship are integral parts of interpersonal communication. Consequently, they are regarded as worthwhile. Nevertheless, as far as I am concerned, the opinion put forth by the second group is more logical. In the following paragraphs, I will shed light on my own attitudes for this issue. To begin with, in the past, communication among people looked bleak. People used to meet and make an appointment to see each other and in according to the fact that communities had busy people and they seem doomed to have far-reaching communication. In the second place, modern means of communication command people’s attention. They are the fastest and easiest way of togetherness. People are at the mercy of virtual world to have opportunities to get in touch with others even in the remotest part of the world which contributes to saving their time and hanging out every moment. This issue questions the need to have face to face interactions. To cut a long story short, for better or worse, we live in a world which is surrounded by computers, cell phones on an unprecedented scale with which people spend their spare time. The truth is that, in this hectic lifestyle, the responsibility of real-time conversations, visualisation of each other, information exchange which enables individual to share a variety of information such as activities, events, interests, ideas falls on these ways of communication. Thanks to tremendous advances in technology. Last but not least, emails and messages make people more comfortable which pave the way for explaining their feeling without shyness and give them a sense of absolute confidence, also they are the backbone of introducing friends among youth which increase their social friendship. In conclusion, all in all, rather than devoting a great deal of time and energy solely in terms of face to face interaction, the trend today is toward using modern means of communication to get  in touch with others. The pivotal role these ways of communication performed in interpersonal communication is hard to ignore. However, many people fail to appreciate it.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, more than ever, when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to the issue of determining
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
advances in technology affect the types of relationship individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a plethora of perspective have
been put
forward. The expansion of modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
means
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
is the ongoing debate which triggers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much controversy. This issue is
fiercely
Possible spelling mistake. 'criticised' is British English.
criticised
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
experts who are on the view that they pose a direct threat to social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
at the expense of a severe social isolation and sedentary lifestyle. Others
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
the significance of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
means
of communications and stick to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that these types of relationship are integral parts of interpersonal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
.
Consequently
, they
are regarded
as worthwhile.
Nevertheless
, as far as I
am concerned
, the opinion put forth by the second group is more logical. In the following paragraphs, I will shed light on my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
attitudes for this issue.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, in the past,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
looked bleak.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an appointment to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
and in according to the fact that communities had busy
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
people and
they seem doomed to have far-reaching communication.

In the second place, modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
means
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
command
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
attention. They are the fastest and easiest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
of togetherness.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are at the mercy of virtual world to have opportunities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in touch with others even in the remotest part of the world which contributes to saving their time and hanging out every moment. This issue questions the need to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
face
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
face
interactions.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
a long story short, for better or worse, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a world which
is surrounded
by computers, cell phones on an unprecedented scale with which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend their spare time. The truth is that, in this hectic lifestyle, the responsibility of real-time conversations,
Possible spelling mistake. 'visualisation' is British English.
visualisation
of each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
, information exchange which enables individual to share a variety of information such as activities,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
, interests,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
falls on these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
. Thanks to tremendous advances in technology.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, emails and messages
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more comfortable which pave the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
for explaining their feeling without shyness and give them a sense of absolute confidence,
also
they are the backbone of introducing friends among youth which increase their social friendship.

In conclusion
, all in all,
rather
than devoting a great deal of time and energy
solely
in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
face
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
face
interaction, the trend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
is toward using modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
means
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
in touch with others. The pivotal role these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
performed in interpersonal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
fail to appreciate it.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development? v. 41

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
442 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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