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It is observed that most governments pay a lot of money for the art projects. For instance, there are more and more paintings and sculpture tures seen in public places. Some people say that it is wrong and govern ments should spend more money on other important things of public in pinterest. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

It is observed that most governments pay a lot of money for the art projects. For instance, there are more and more paintings and sculpture tures seen in public places. Some people say that it is wrong and govern ments should spend more money on other important things of public in pinterest. v. 1
There had been researched that numbers of government allocated many amount of money to fund the art activities. As a result, many public places now filled with installations and pictures. A few people disagree with the government choice and suggested that the money should spend on other pivotal things of the civil interest. This essay takes side to agree with the suggestion and would elaborate some of the explanations below. Artistic sectors are very important to develop people's creativity, to nurture their hobby as nowadays the workforce tends to give so much pressure on one's shoulders. For some reasons, arts could be a medium to release stress, to enjoy the live and moreover to add colours in this live. Many different peoples from different background could be united as one as they can dance together on the same rhythm of music. Nevertheless, this activity should not not be the government's focal point, because this was categorized as a tertiary needs, after other more important things such as health and educations. Numbers of people nowadays still live in poverty, many children are born with stunting problem because their parents could not afford sufficient food to give the right amount of nutritions for their babies. Others are also still jobless, they could not finish their education because some schools today set excessive tuition fee. For these cases, the society really in need of the government's hand, to help them raise and to give them supports, especially in terms of money. It is suggested that the government might have to put an extra attention on these fields first, after this one could have been fulfilled, the art industry might be followed.
There had
been researched
that numbers of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
allocated
Possible agreement error. The noun amount seems to be countable; consider using: "many amounts".
many amount
of money to fund the art activities.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
public places
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
filled with installations and pictures. A few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
choice and suggested that the money should spend on other pivotal things of the civil interest. This essay takes side to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the suggestion and would elaborate
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
explanations below.

Artistic sectors are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to develop
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's creativity, to nurture their hobby as nowadays the workforce tends to give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much pressure on one's shoulders. For
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons, arts could be a medium to release
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, to enjoy the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
and
moreover
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
Possible spelling mistake. 'colours' is British English.
colours
in this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
peoples from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
background could
be united
as one as they can dance together on the same rhythm of music.
Nevertheless
, this activity should
Double negatives are discouraged in standard English. Can you reformulate this phrase or is a comma missing?
not not
be the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's focal point,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this
was categorized
as a tertiary needs, after other more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
things such as health and educations.

Numbers of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
nowadays
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in poverty,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
children
are born
with stunting problem
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their parents could not afford sufficient food to give the right amount of
Possible spelling mistake found.
nutritions
for their babies. Others are
also
still
jobless, they could not finish their education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
schools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
set excessive tuition fee. For these cases, the society
really
in need of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's hand, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them raise and to give them supports,
especially
in terms of money. It
is suggested
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
might
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
put an extra attention on these fields
first
, after this one could have
been fulfilled
, the art industry might
be followed
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay It is observed that most governments pay a lot of money for the art projects. For instance, there are more and more paintings and sculpture tures seen in public places. Some people say that it is wrong and govern ments should spend more money on other important things of public in pinterest. v. 1

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
278 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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