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Smart devices have put all of the world's information at our fingertips. What are the drawbacks of this development? v.1

Smart devices have put all of the world's information at our fingertips. What are the drawbacks of this development? v. 1
The advent of technology has brought about easy access to any information due to the availability of technologically driven devices such as smart phones. Inspite of this development, there are a number of demerits this has brought which include, people having a boring social life as well as becoming practically lazy. In this essay, the disadvantages associated with smart devices would be discussed. Having an uninterrupted access to diverse information on the internet through technologically powered gadgets has serious disadvantages. Firstly, it has brought about people having a boring lifestyle. For example, individuals no longer socialize with friends and family because, they spend ample time on the internet. Consequently, people now have a stereotyped pattern of living, only concerned about what information they have to gather from the internet, resulting in a boring social life for individuals. A second drawback associated with the use of smart devices is that, it makes people practically lazy. For instance, consider a student who has a research topic to work on and has to gather information regarding this research project, the student no longer sees the need to visit the library because, he believes all the information concerning the topic is at his fingertips. Hence, students no longer apply themselves to the use of the library and therefore, less informed of important information about history. Furthermore, this development makes students physically and mentally lazy. In conclusion, despite smart gadgets helping people get information from the internet easily, it has serious disadvantages, as people have condemned themselves to a boring lifestyle as well as becoming physically and mentally lazy.
The advent of technology has brought about easy access to any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
due to the availability of
technologically
driven devices such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smart
phones.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Inspite
of this development, there are a number of demerits this has brought which include,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boring
social life
as well
as becoming
practically
lazy. In this essay, the disadvantages associated with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smart
devices would
be discussed
.

Having
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "uninterrupted access".
an uninterrupted access
to diverse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
on the internet through
technologically
powered gadgets has serious disadvantages.
Firstly
, it has brought about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boring
lifestyle.
For example
, individuals no longer socialize with friends and family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, they spend ample time on the internet.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
have a stereotyped pattern of living,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
concerned about what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
gather from the internet, resulting in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boring
social life for individuals.

A second drawback associated with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smart
devices is that, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
practically
lazy.
For instance
, consider a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
who has a research topic to work on and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
gather
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
regarding this research project, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
no longer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sees
the need to visit the library
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, he believes all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
concerning the topic is at his fingertips.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
no longer apply themselves to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the library and
therefore
, less informed of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about history.
Furthermore
, this development
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
physically
and mentally lazy.

In conclusion
, despite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smart
gadgets helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
from the internet
easily
, it has serious disadvantages, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have condemned themselves to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boring
lifestyle
as well
as becoming
physically
and mentally lazy.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Smart devices have put all of the world's information at our fingertips. What are the drawbacks of this development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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