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Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the local community. They believe this would benefit both the individual teenager and society as a whole. Do you agree or disagree? v.8

Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the local community. They believe this would benefit both the individual teenager and society as a whole. v. 8
In today's era of modernisation, some advocates promote that teenagers should be given an opportunity to do unpaid work in their spare time for the benefit of the local community and society. I strongly agree with this proposition and will highlight the numerous advantages of encouraging teenagers to take up social service I would like to highlight 3 advantages of engaging teenagers in social work. Firstly, it can be considered a better utilisation of their time. A study shows that boredom is a major cause behind a large number of teens resorting to crime and drugs. Therefore, keeping them occupied in social activities like cleaning of public areas or creating awareness about important social issues should be definitely preferred to wasting time on unproductive ways to tackle boredom. Secondly, data suggest that community service plays a valuable role in the character development of teenagers. For example, if a teen takes part in cleaning the road of his/her locality, he/she would realise the importance of cleanliness and hygiene. As a consequence, this would create a society that consists of morally sound adolescents. Thirdly, it can help the teenagers learn how to function in a working environment. Henceforth, students would have a prior experience of working before actually joining their jobs and therefore, are ready for the future. This vision can thus be achieved by 2 methods. As an initial step, students should be given various incentives, for example, credits for their university applications if they have performed community service. Secondly, teachers and parents should create awareness about the valuable experiences to be gained by these teenagers when they take part in such activities. To conclude, there are practically no disadvantages of promoting teenagers to engage in unpaid social work for their own communities. I hope these ideas are implemented by the government in the near future for the betterment of our society.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's era of
Possible spelling mistake. 'modernisation' is British English.
modernisation
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advocates promote that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
an opportunity to do unpaid work in their spare time for the benefit of the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
and society. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this proposition and will highlight the numerous advantages of encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
to take up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
service


I would like to highlight 3 advantages of engaging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
work.
Firstly
, it can
be considered
a better
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilisation' is British English.
utilisation
of their time. A study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that boredom is a major cause behind
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
teens resorting to crime and drugs.
Therefore
, keeping them occupied in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
activities like cleaning of public areas or creating awareness about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
issues should be definitely preferred to wasting time on unproductive ways to tackle boredom.
Secondly
, data suggest that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
service plays a valuable role in the character development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
.
For example
, if a teen
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
takes part
in cleaning the road of his/her locality, he/she would
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
the importance of cleanliness and hygiene. As a consequence, this would create a society that consists of
morally
sound adolescents.
Thirdly
, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
learn how to function in a working environment. Henceforth, students would have a prior experience of working
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
actually joining their jobs and
therefore
, are ready for the future.

This vision can
thus
be achieved
by 2 methods. As an initial step, students should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
various incentives,
for example
, credits for their university applications if they have performed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
service.
Secondly
, teachers and parents should create awareness about the valuable experiences to
be gained
by these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in such activities.

To conclude
, there are
practically
no disadvantages of promoting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
to engage in unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
work for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
. I hope these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
are implemented
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
in the near future for the betterment of our society.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the local community. They believe this would benefit both the individual teenager and society as a whole. v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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