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Some people say that schools should spend more money on the best equipment others say that more experienced teachers should be hired Discuss both views and give your opinion v.1

Some people say that schools should spend more money on the best equipment others say that more experienced teachers should be hired 1
A few people spent most of their productive years in the same company, while others consider that it is better to shift from one organisation to another. In this essay, I will discuss and analyse both view and come to an opinion. The major reason why most people continue to work at the same company till retirement is job security. To elaborate, once a company is convinced that employees will stay, they would start providing allowances for accomodation, health and education of their kids. This creates a stable financial basis for the future. For instance, shell, a major oil company offers much free education and accomodation for their workers, and thus is the most difficult company to get a job. Additionally, employees who have worked for more than 5 years are entitled for pension schemes, which is one of the perks of being a permanent employee. On the other hand, people who have worked for different organisations carry a wider range of experience. The expertise that one gains from a company can be used to boost another company's productivity, and is the most sought out quality nowadays. Most modern tech companies hire such people, since they believe these people have ideas for new creative innovations. To exemplify, Apple and Google companies hire techies who have work experience in more than one company. Furthermore, this attitude of hopping from one job to another is frowned by some companies. In conclusion, it can be said that working in different organisations benefits the individual and the company's calibre. But, being a permanent employee provides great financial stability and security
A few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spent most of their productive years in the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
, while others consider that it is better to shift from one
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
to another. In this essay, I will discuss and
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
both view and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to an opinion.

The major reason why most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
continue to work at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
till retirement is job security. To elaborate, once a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
is convinced
that employees will stay, they would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
providing allowances for
Possible spelling mistake found.
accomodation
, health and education of their kids. This creates a stable financial basis for the future.
For instance
, shell, a major oil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
offers much free education and
Possible spelling mistake found.
accomodation
for their workers, and
thus
is the most difficult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job.
Additionally
, employees who have worked for more than 5 years
are entitled
for pension schemes, which is one of the perks of being a permanent employee.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have worked for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
carry a wider range of experience. The expertise that one gains from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to boost another
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
's productivity, and is the most sought out quality nowadays. Most modern tech
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
hire such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, since they believe these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
for new creative innovations. To exemplify, Apple and Google
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
hire techies who have work experience in more than one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
.
Furthermore
, this attitude of hopping from one job to another
is frowned
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.

In conclusion
, it can
be said
that working in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
benefits the individual and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
's
Possible spelling mistake. 'calibre' is British English.
calibre
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, being a permanent employee provides great financial stability and security
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that schools should spend more money on the best equipment others say that more experienced teachers should be hired 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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