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In recent years, more and more people are choosing to read e books rather than paper books. Do the advantages outweigh disadvantages? v.2

In recent years, more and more people are choosing to read e books rather than paper books. Do the advantages outweigh disadvantages? v. 2
In recent decades, people tend to prefer reading E-books to paper books. Although, this trend has the disadvantage which is detrimental to individual eyes, but the advantage seems overwhelmingly due to conveniences. One the one hand, one of the main reason which is considered as a drawback of E-books is that it causes harmful to visions. First, since, in the modern life, there are a number of technique items, those bring not only many benefits but also drawbacks. This means that, spending a great deal of time on using eBooks, people healthy will be effected by different ills, such as heart attack, obesity, especially near-sighted. For example, according to research by Vietnam Medical University, which is the biggest school about teaching medicine, in 2018, 45% of people got short-sighted by using too much mobile phones, computer and E-books as well while only 35% due to gene and 20% by other reasons. On the other hand, the possible advantage is a user-friendly for readers. Nowadays, people are busy to make a living, so physical travel to book stores and looking for a book take them a lot of time. This means that, E-books provided various books such as history, science and so on, people can enjoy reading different kind of books with a device. For example, electronic books can contain millions of different subject, which depend on memory. In conclusion, the drawback of this trend is harmful to people’s eyes but the benefits will be more overweight because of the convenience.
In recent decades,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to prefer reading E-books to paper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
. Although, this trend has the disadvantage which is detrimental to individual eyes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the advantage seems
overwhelmingly
due to conveniences.

Did you mean "on"?
One
the one hand, one of the main reason which
is considered
as a drawback of E-books is that it causes harmful to visions.
First
, since, in the modern life, there are a number of technique items, those bring not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
drawbacks. This means that, spending a great deal of time on using
Possible spelling mistake found.
eBooks
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
healthy will
be effected
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ills, such as heart attack, obesity,
especially
near-sighted.
For example
, according to research by Vietnam Medical University, which is the biggest school about teaching medicine, in 2018, 45% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
short-sighted by using too much mobile phones, computer and E-books
as well
while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
35% due to gene and 20% by other reasons.

On the other hand
, the possible advantage is a user-friendly for readers. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are busy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a living,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
physical travel to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
stores and looking for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
take them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time. This means that, E-books provided various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
such as history, science and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can enjoy reading
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
with a device.
For example
, electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
can contain millions of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
subject, which depend on memory.

In conclusion
, the drawback of this trend is harmful to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
eyes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the benefits will be more overweight
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the convenience.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay In recent years, more and more people are choosing to read e books rather than paper books. Do the advantages outweigh disadvantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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