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More and more youngsters are being allowed unsupervised access to the internet in order to meet and chat with friends. What dangers could result from this? How can these dangers be prevented? v.2

More and more youngsters are being allowed unsupervised access to the internet in order to meet and chat with friends. What dangers could result from this? How can these dangers be prevented? v. 2
Online using has become ubiquitous and can be detrimental to children who frequently use them without any supervision to communicate with their friends. In this essay, I intend to explore the outcomes of this and suggest many possible preventions. Chief among the influence is that children may become victims of cyber crimes, which causes some adverse impacts on their physical and mental damage. Youngsters’ susceptibility could be guided into doing some things which they fail to understand the dangers they are involved in. For example, when it comes to some young girls interacting with strangers who turn out to be online predators, it may happen that those girls are threatened and forced to process some illegal sexual activities. As a result, children would have some negative health effects and then even affect their future. In order to prevent the problems which can arise from being unsupervised on the internet at a young and susceptible age, we must take some action before it happens. It’s the parent's responsibility to guide their children, inform them of the dangers and be the first line of protection against the issues that can be encountered when using the internet. What is more, teachers at school could notice students about how the danger of meeting strangers online. This, hence, could let children understand more about cyber crimes and then use the internet wisely. In conclusion, it is an unavoidable fact that a multitude of online crimes occurs every day. However, if families and schools take more consideration about children using online, I believe those suggestions can reduce online crimes happening.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Online
using has become ubiquitous and can be detrimental to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
frequently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them without any supervision to communicate with their friends. In this essay, I intend to explore the outcomes of this and suggest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
possible
Possible spelling mistake found.
preventions
.

Chief among the influence is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may become victims of cyber
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
, which causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
adverse impacts on their physical and mental damage. Youngsters’ susceptibility could
be guided
into doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
things which they fail to understand the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
they
are involved
in.
For example
, when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
young girls interacting with strangers who turn out to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
predators, it may happen that those girls
are threatened
and forced to process
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
illegal sexual activities.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
health effects and then even affect their future.

In order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the problems which can arise from
being unsupervised
on the internet at a young and susceptible age, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
action
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
it happens. It’s the parent's responsibility to guide their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, inform them of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
and be the
first
line of protection against the issues that can
be encountered
when using the internet.
What is more
, teachers at school could notice students about how the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
of meeting strangers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
. This,
hence
, could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
understand more about cyber
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
and then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the internet
wisely
.

In conclusion
, it is an unavoidable fact that a multitude of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
occurs every day.
However
, if families and schools take more consideration about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
, I believe those suggestions can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
happening.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay More and more youngsters are being allowed unsupervised access to the internet in order to meet and chat with friends. What dangers could result from this? How can these dangers be prevented? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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