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Some people think that a life is good for people as it is while others believe that constant change can be too demanding on people. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think that a life is good for people as it is while others believe that constant change can be too demanding on people. v. 1
Although there are few people who feel that life is better as it is, there are others vouching for constant change to improve their life. This essay will discuss why I concur with the latter' s perception. To begin with, there are certain individuals planning for a life which is steady. This is because either they are not too ambitious or they do not like to be running in a hectic corporate life style. As a result, they do have a stress free life and they get to spend more quality time with their family members. Furthermore, they are often not driven by the materialistic happiness that they get from buying a luxury car, a house, or an expensive tech-gadget. They are content with what they have and believe that is what they deserve as per almighty. However, there are others striving to be progressive in their life. Such people are the ones constantly working with their strength while they keep improving on their weakness. In this way, they will be competing at highest level and will be rewarded financially as well. Moreover, majority of such individuals are career drive in nature. They will continuously be polishing their existing skills while trying to acquire new skills. Therefore, they will be more relevant to the current market demands and giving competition to the younger generation workforce. In conclusion, from my perspective, although having a secure and stress free life is good to a certain extent, being futuristic and having an urge to be in better position in terms of career is the challenge an individual should embrace.
Although there are few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is better as it is, there are others vouching for constant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. This essay will discuss why I concur with the
Possible spelling mistake found.
latter&
#039; s perception.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are certain individuals planning for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
which is steady. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
either they are not too ambitious or they do not like to be running in a hectic corporate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
style.
As a result
, they do have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
free
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
life and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to spend more quality time with their family members.
Furthermore
, they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
not driven by the materialistic happiness that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
from buying a luxury car, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, or an expensive tech-gadget. They are content with what they have and believe
that is
what they deserve as per almighty.

However
, there are others striving to be progressive in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are the ones
constantly
working with their strength while they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
improving on their weakness. In this way, they will be competing at highest level and will
be rewarded
financially
as well
.
Moreover
,
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
such individuals are career drive in nature. They will
continuously
be polishing their existing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
while trying to acquire new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Therefore
, they will be more relevant to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
market demands and giving competition to the younger generation workforce.

In conclusion
, from my perspective, although having a secure and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to a certain extent, being futuristic and having an urge to be in better position in terms of career is the challenge an individual should embrace.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that a life is good for people as it is while others believe that constant change can be too demanding on people. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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