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Some people think that a huge amount of time and money is spent on the protection of wild animals and that this money could be better spent on the human population. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.2

Some people think that a huge amount of time and money is spent on the protection of wild animals and that this money could be better spent on the human population. with this opinion? v. 2
Governments are facing an ethical dilemma over-allocating resources to protecting wild animals or human population. Some people truly support the latter argument; however, I do believe that money should be spent intelligently to benefit both animal and human population. The protection of animals should be high on the agenda of every authority. Firstly, preserving wildlife helps balance the ecosystem which is severely damaged by human activities. The number of endangered animals is increasing sharply in recent decades. Once natural habitats are destroyed, over lives are also affected; therefore, it is worth protecting wild animals. For example, if the practice of whaling is not banned, ecosystems of our oceans will be altered forever and it will result in difficulties of thousands of livings who now depend on oceans. Secondly, saving animals also means preserving habitats. Natural rainforests and wetlands are homes of thousand animals. Protecting their lives plays an important role in maintaining those natural resources, which helps reduces disaster like erosion, flooding, drought and the like. Moreover, natural habitats are also the greatest resource for medical and biological research. Besides, preserving wildlife also benefits human beings since it creates great opportunities for ecotourism. In fact, national parks or wildlife safaris provide numerous job vacancies. The Nam Cat Tien National Park in Vietnam has helped cut the unemployment rate in underdeveloped areas since it creates job opportunities for hundreds of workers. Additionally, governments have great profits from ecotourism as well, which contributes largely to national economic growth. From all the above-mentioned, although wildlife preservation is a drain on a nation’s budget, it is our imperative nowadays. It is not also a country’s responsibility but also each individual’s.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
are facing an ethical dilemma over-allocating resources to protecting wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
population.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
truly
support the latter argument;
however
, I do believe that money should
be spent
intelligently
to benefit both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
population.

The protection of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
should be high on the agenda of every authority.
Firstly
, preserving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
balance the ecosystem which is
severely
damaged by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
activities. The number of endangered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
is increasing
sharply
in recent decades. Once
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
habitats are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
, over
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
are
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
;
therefore
, it is worth protecting wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
For example
, if the practice of whaling is not banned, ecosystems of our oceans will
be altered
forever and it will result in difficulties of thousands of livings who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
depend on oceans.
Secondly
, saving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
also
means preserving habitats.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Natural
rainforests and wetlands are homes of thousand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
. Protecting their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in maintaining those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
resources, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
disaster like erosion, flooding, drought and the like.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
habitats are
also
the greatest resource for medical and biological research.

Besides
, preserving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
also
benefits
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
beings since it creates great opportunities for ecotourism. In fact, national parks or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
safaris provide numerous job vacancies. The Nam Cat
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tien
National Park in Vietnam has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
the unemployment rate in underdeveloped areas since it creates job opportunities for hundreds of workers.
Additionally
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
have great profits from ecotourism
as well
, which contributes
largely
to national economic growth.

From all the above-mentioned, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
preservation is a drain on a nation’s budget, it is our imperative nowadays. It is not
also
a country’s responsibility
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
each individual’s.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that a huge amount of time and money is spent on the protection of wild animals and that this money could be better spent on the human population. with this opinion? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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