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Some people think that a huge amount of time and money is spent on the protection of wild animals and that this money could be better spent on the human population. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.1

Some people think that a huge amount of time and money is spent on the protection of wild animals and that this money could be better spent on the human population. with this opinion? v. 1
It is argued that there is a tendency for people to spend time and money on themselves rather than that money spent on the protection of wild animals. I completely disagree with this idea, and this essay will argue about allocating resources for both animals and human population. Firstly, the government and citizens play a vital role in protecting wild animals. Obviously, wild animals are now on the verge of extinction, and the responsibility to protect wild animals fall upon the people. Wildlife extinction results in an ecological crisis. Moreover, it also affects human survival. For example, wild animals bring in a great deal of advantage in the medical industry, such as service for producing types of medicine. People and animal have a strong relationship together; therefore, when people spend money and time to protect wild animal species mean improving the habitats in which they live. Secondly, wild animals also have great aesthetic and socio-cultural values, and they contribute to our rich bio-diversity that makes this planet a beautiful place. For example, Safari Phu Quoc is type of business, but it is also place help to reserve wild animals. Furthermore, thanks to this tourism creates jobs for local citizens. In order to maintain wild animal protection, we must take steps to rectify mass animal extinction. In addition, in the natural the environment, animal species are connected; thus, if one species becomes extinct, it will lead to many other species to duffer as the food chain id disrupted. In conclusion, we need to protect wildlife because this will help us to protect, too. Wild animals bring various benefits, so we spend money and time to protection of wild animal is extreme necessity.
It
is argued
that there is a tendency for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to spend time and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on themselves
rather
than that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
spent on the protection of wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
. I completely disagree with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, and this essay will argue about allocating resources for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and human population.

Firstly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and citizens play a vital role in protecting wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
Obviously
, wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
on the verge of extinction, and the responsibility to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protect
wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
fall upon the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Wildlife extinction results in an ecological crisis.
Moreover
, it
also
affects human survival.
For example
, wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
bring in a great deal of advantage in the medical industry, such as service for producing types of medicine.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
have a strong relationship together;
therefore
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and time to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protect
wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
species mean improving the habitats in which they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.

Secondly
, wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
also
have great aesthetic and
Possible spelling mistake found.
socio-cultural
values, and they contribute to our rich bio-diversity that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
this planet a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
place.
For example
, Safari
Possible spelling mistake found.
Phu
Possible spelling mistake found.
Quoc
is type of business,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is
also
Consider using a past participle here: "placed".
place
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to reserve wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
Furthermore
, thanks to this tourism creates jobs for local citizens. In order to maintain wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
protection, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take steps to rectify mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
extinction.
In addition
, in the natural the environment,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
species
are connected
;
thus
, if one species becomes extinct, it will lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other species to duffer as the food chain id disrupted.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
conclusion, we need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protect
wildlife
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protect
, too. Wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
bring various benefits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and time to protection of wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
is extreme necessity.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
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IELTS essay Some people think that a huge amount of time and money is spent on the protection of wild animals and that this money could be better spent on the human population. with this opinion? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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