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Some people believe that increasing violence in the media is the cause of increasing violence in our society, especially among children. Others believe that children's peer groups and parental role models are a much more influence on children&#0 v.2

Some people believe that increasing violence in the media is the cause of increasing violence in our society, especially among children. Others believe that children's peer groups and parental role models are a much more influence on children&#0 v. 2
It is an astonishing fact that multiple factors determine the behaviour of the child. Some people opine that, violence in the medias are the determinants of cruel character in children. But others opine that peer groups and parental infuances make a giant role in the character modification of children. I admit that, children have the great affinity to their parents and peer groups. Admittedly, social medias are seductive and play a counterpart in the developmental stages. Children watches different kind of movies, shortfilms and other programmes. It may fickle their character. Moreover, war and other crimes are the most popular articles in the newspaper nowadays. In certain cases, children intrigue to follow the viewed item that propagates violence. However, it is not necessary that they follow all the unwanted news or quotes from the scene. Children' s are mastered enough to be practical. On the other hand, peer groups and parental role s are greatly influencing children' s character. To substanciate, childrens are mostly attached to their parents and peers. They easily pick up the nature what they see actually. For example; child of a drunkard starts drinking in their early childhood. Moreover, poverty, homelessness, lack of education all these factors contribute smaller proportion in violence. All these comes in environmental factores. Children do what, they see in their life. Most substantial fact is that children of good parents lead a life similar to their parents. To sum up, no need to be perfectionist, instead live in a peaceful manner. New generations are the viewers of this trend. It help to develop a perfect society.
It is an astonishing fact that multiple factors determine the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of the child.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opine that, violence in the medias are the determinants of cruel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
character
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
others opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peer
groups and parental
Possible spelling mistake found.
infuances
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a giant role in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
character
modification of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. I admit that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have the great affinity to their parents and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peer
groups.

Admittedly
, social medias are seductive and play a counterpart in the developmental stages.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watches
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kind of movies,
Possible spelling mistake found.
shortfilms
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
. It
It seems that a verb or adverb has been misspelled or is missing here.
may fickle
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
character
.
Moreover
, war and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
crimes are the most popular articles in the newspaper nowadays. In certain cases,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
intrigue to follow the viewed item that propagates violence.
However
, it is not necessary that they follow all the unwanted news or quotes from the scene.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Children&
#039; s
are mastered
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to be practical.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peer
groups and parental role s are
greatly
influencing
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
character
. To
Possible spelling mistake found.
substanciate
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens
are
mostly
attached to their parents and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peers
. They
easily
pick up the nature what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
actually.
For example
; child of a drunkard
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
drinking in their early childhood.

Moreover
, poverty, homelessness, lack of education all these factors contribute smaller proportion in violence. All these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
in environmental
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "factors", the plural form of the noun 'factor'?
factores
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
do what, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
in their life. Most substantial fact is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
parents lead a life similar to their parents.

To sum up, no need to be perfectionist,
instead
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
Consider replacing "in a peaceful manner" with the adverb for "peaceful"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a peaceful manner
. New generations are the viewers of this trend. It
Did you mean "helps"?
help
to develop a perfect society.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that increasing violence in the media is the cause of increasing violence in our society, especially among children. Others believe that children's peer groups and parental role models are a much more influence on children&#0 v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
265 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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