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Some people think technology is now an invaluable study tool for young people. Others, however, believe that it is harmful to the studying process. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words. v.2

Some people think technology is now an invaluable study tool for young people. Others, however, believe that it is harmful to the studying process. v. 2
Nowadays, more and more students use machinery as an education tool. However, some argue that youngsters should avoid using it as they consider it harmful. Firstly, automation can help young people to attend lessons or lectures remotely. For example, some universities hold seminars which students can watch from their houses. These seminars are called e-learning seminars. As a result, students have a lot of time to study and do their exercises. Moreover, using machinery and specifically Internet gives the opportunity to young students to have limitless sources of information at their fingertips. For instance, if a student studies, Economics and they have to write their thesis they can have access to various information. This means they can learn many and different approaches on a particular subject. On the other hand, automation has some disadvantages like the risk of hackers. These days, there are some viruses which destroy files on computers. As a result, people risk losing their files. Another disadvantage is that automation is too expensive, so it is difficult for most people having access. For example, there are many people who cannot afford a computer. This fact leads to the separation of social class segregation. In this way, all students have problems to do their lessons and to keep up with the machinery. All things considered, there are advantages and disadvantages about new machinery. I agree that it is a more useful tool for young people and it helps them to improve their lives. Also, by having access to limitless source of information saving both time and money.
Nowadays, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
machinery as an education tool.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that youngsters should avoid using it as they consider it harmful.

Firstly
, automation can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to attend lessons or lectures
remotely
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
universities hold seminars which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
. These seminars
are called
e-learning seminars.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time to study and do their exercises.
Moreover
, using machinery and
specifically
Internet gives the opportunity to young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to have limitless sources of information at their fingertips.
For instance
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
studies,
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
Economics and
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
write their thesis they can have access to various information. This means they can learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
approaches on a particular subject.

On the other hand
, automation has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages like the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of hackers. These days, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
viruses which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
files on computers.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
losing their files. Another disadvantage is that automation is too expensive,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is difficult for most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
having access.
For example
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who cannot afford a computer. This fact leads to the separation of social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
segregation. In this way, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have problems to do their lessons and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
up with the machinery.

All things considered, there are advantages and disadvantages about new machinery. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that it is a more useful tool for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Also
, by having access to limitless source of information saving both time and money.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Some people think technology is now an invaluable study tool for young people. Others, however, believe that it is harmful to the studying process. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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