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Some people think studying in groups is better, while some think self-study is better for school students. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.7

Some people think studying in groups is better, while some think self-study is better for school students. v. 7
Nowadays, investment in the instructing of science is one of the issues that most people think that government authorities should dedicate more money on it to the development of the country in comparison other issues. I completely agree with the given statement on the basis of achieving to next generation technologies and be ready to unpredictable problems in the future. To begin with, the main reason is that new technologies are determining factors of progress of the country. Simply put, providing that country tend to enhance the quality of facilities, they are more likely to need next generation equipments, which are significantly dependent on science. Take a research on the space projects for the sake of discovering the new sources of rare elements as an example; by investing to these progress of developing countries would be undeniable. Thus, the more funding of take in science to students to achieve new technologies, the more success on progress of countries. Having said that, however, new-fledged knowledge is not the only crucial factor in this respect. Another causative reason is that by funding of education, governments can predict some hidden problems, which are probable to happen in near future. That is to say, it is possible to waste extra money to solve these types of problems. A good illustration for this is Coronavirus, which by investing soon to establish scientific methods to encounter with it before of happening, it was so easy to control spreading of it and protect people as well. Hence, founding on science not only is the vital method in order to be ready for the future, but also it helps to don't stop progress of the country. To conclude, I personally take the vies that it is economically acceptable to fund on science more than the other. This is because of achieving a high level of technology followed by being ready to unpredictable condition.
Nowadays, investment in the instructing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
is one of the issues that most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
authorities should dedicate more money on it to the development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in comparison
other issues. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement on the basis of achieving to
next
generation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
and be ready to unpredictable problems in the future.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the main reason is that new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
are determining factors of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
progress
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Simply
put, providing that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
tend to enhance the quality of facilities, they are more likely to need
next
generation equipments, which are
significantly
dependent on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
. Take
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
on the space projects for the sake of discovering the new sources of rare elements as an example; by investing to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
progress
of developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
would be undeniable.
Thus
, the more funding of take in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
to students to achieve new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
, the more success on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
progress
of countries.

Having said that,
however
, new-fledged knowledge is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
crucial factor in this respect. Another causative reason is that by funding of education,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
can predict
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
hidden problems, which are probable to happen in near future.
That is
to say, it is possible to waste extra money to solve these types of problems. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration for this is Coronavirus, which by investing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
to establish scientific methods to encounter with it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
of happening, it was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
easy to control spreading of it and protect
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
as well
.
Hence
, founding on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
is the vital method in order to be ready for the future,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to don't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
progress
of the country.

To conclude
, I
personally
take the vies that it is
economically
acceptable to fund on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
more than the other. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of achieving a high level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
followed by being ready to unpredictable condition.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think studying in groups is better, while some think self-study is better for school students. v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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