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29. 10. 2017Some people think that spending a lot on birthday celebrations and wedding is a waste of money. But others think that it is important to young people and the society. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

29. 10. 2017Some people think that spending a lot on birthday celebrations and wedding is a waste of money. But others think that it is important to young people and the society. v. 1
Nowadays, many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organization. Why might this be the case. What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed? These days, an overwhelming majority of people choose to run their own business rather than being employed by other people. I am of the opinion that strong desire to have flexibility in job encourages a large number of people to start their own business. However, they may face some difficulties in the future. Being self-employed gives individuals the privilege of choosing their own schedule and workplace. For example, self-employers have the chance to perform tasks from home. This means that they will not have to be worried about being late for trial or get stuck in a traffic jam to commute job every day. Moreover, they have full control over their own schedule, therefore they decide when and how much their job, in contrast to working for someone else or a company which usually requires set hours On the other hand, there are some drawbacks associated with self-employment. The main issue is that self-employed persons may have to be an accountant, human resource manager and so forth at the same time. It is mainly because they do not have enough money to hire other people to do these tasks, particularly at the start of business which they are on a tight budget and many of them are not even able to pay their own bills and debt. Consequently, they have to bear mounting pressure. In conclusion, I am of the opinion that being your own master has many upsides and that is why many people decide to be a self-employed, although this trend has some drawbacks as well.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose to be self-employed,
rather
than to work for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
or organization.

Why might this be the case.

What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?

These days, an overwhelming majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose to run their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
business
rather
than
being employed
by other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. I am of the opinion that strong desire to have flexibility in job encourages
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
business.
However
, they may face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
difficulties in the future.

Being self-employed gives individuals the privilege of choosing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
schedule and workplace.
For example
, self-employers have the chance to perform tasks from home. This means that they will not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be worried
about being late for trial or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
stuck in a traffic jam to commute job every day.
Moreover
, they have full control over their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
schedule,
therefore
they decide when and how much their job,
in contrast
to working for someone else or a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
which
usually
requires
"requires set" is only accepted in certain dialects. For something more widely acceptable, try "set" or "to be set".
set
hours

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks associated with self-employment. The main issue is that self-employed persons may
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be an accountant, human resource manager and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
forth at the same time. It is
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money to hire other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to do these tasks,
particularly
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
of business which they are on a tight budget and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them are not even able to pay their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
bills and debt.
Consequently
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
bear mounting pressure.

In conclusion
, I am of the opinion that being your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
master has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
upsides and
that is
why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
decide to be a self-employed, although this trend has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks
as well
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay 29. 10. 2017Some people think that spending a lot on birthday celebrations and wedding is a waste of money. But others think that it is important to young people and the society. v. 1

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
288 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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