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Some people think sending criminals to prison is not an effective way to deal with them, and education and training are better solution. To what extent do you agree or disagree? ( v.1

Some people think sending criminals to prison is not an effective way to deal with them, and education and training are better solution. ( v. 1
Everyone wants to live in comfort. Some people find independent houses more convenient while others prefer modern-day apartments. I believe living in an apartment is more advantageous than living in a house for several reasons. To start with, we are moving towards the culture of nuclear families where most adults work. Life is more stressful than ever and people have less time on hand. Given these circumstances, it is much easier to manage an apartment than an independent house. For instance, most apartments have housekeeping facilities that take care of all the cleaning and maintenance work, which we would have to manage ourselves if we live in a house. Additionally, apartments are usually gated communities so they are a lot more secure. To exemplify, most apartments would have some sort of access cards for residents and stickers to identify their vehicles. Any visitors or guests will first have to go through the security, who will seek approval from the residents before allowing them inside. Overall, the security parameters are better than one can afford in a house. Furthermore, the apartments have common facilities like recreational/play area for kids, swimming pools, sports, club houses and so on. One does not have to travel outside of their home to access these facilities. This results in a lot of time saved. Parents also feel it’s easier for them to allow their kids to play freely without any supervision. However, living in an independent house does have its own advantages. They are certainly more spacious and owners can freely utilise and modify the space based on their convenience, which is hard to achieve in an apartment. To conclude, apartments and houses have their set of pros and cons. However, I believe that apartments satisfy the needs of our modern lifestyle better than independent houses.
Everyone wants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in comfort.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
more convenient while others prefer modern-day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartments
. I believe living in an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartment
is more advantageous than living in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
for several reasons.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, we are moving towards the culture of nuclear families where most adults work. Life is more stressful than ever and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have less time on hand.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
these circumstances, it is much easier to manage an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartment
than an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
.
For instance
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartments
have housekeeping facilities that take care of all the cleaning and maintenance work, which we would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
manage ourselves if we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
.

Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartments
are
usually
gated communities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they are a lot more secure. To exemplify, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartments
would have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sort of access cards for residents and stickers to identify their vehicles. Any visitors or guests will
first
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go through the security, who will seek approval from the residents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
allowing them inside.
Overall
, the security parameters are better than one can afford in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
.
Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartments
have common facilities like recreational/play area for kids, swimming pools, sports, club
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. One does not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
travel
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "outside".
outside of
their home to access these facilities. This results in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time saved. Parents
also
feel it’s easier for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
their kids to play
freely
without any supervision.

However
, living in an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
does have its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
advantages. They are
certainly
more spacious and owners can
freely
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
and modify the space based on their convenience, which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to achieve in an apartment.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartments
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
have their set of pros and cons.
However
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartments
satisfy the needs of our modern lifestyle better than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
The limits of my language are the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Some people think sending criminals to prison is not an effective way to deal with them, and education and training are better solution. ( v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
300 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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