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Some people think secondary school students should study international news as one of their subjects. Other people say that this is waste valuable time. Diss both views and give You're an onion v.1

Some people think secondary school students should study international news as one of their subjects. Other people say that this is waste valuable time. Diss both views and give You're an onion v. 1
In recent times, we can observe that globalization is at its peak; so keeping updates of our own surroundings as well as at the international level is becoming a need. Many people perceive that teaching current affairs to high school pupils is a wastage of their time; whereas, another group of people supports this is a notion. In my opinion, students must be aware of and know the importance of happenings in the world at the present time in a way that is not harmful to them. learning international affairs at the high school level will develop an interest at a young age in students so that they can decide if they want to pursue their career in this field or not? Secondly, be informed with the current situation of the world; they might take steps at a smaller scale to reduce the particular issue. For example, global warming is an issue of great importance; students can create awareness campaigns in their schools, family, communities, etc. , to plant more and more trees in their surroundings. When the subject and its content are properly reviewed and taught by the tutors; it can have a positive influence on the students. On the other hand, many people do not support the idea of teaching global news at the secondary level. According to them, students are already burdened; as modern education is getting tougher day by day, due to the competitive environment. Furthermore, exposing students at an early stage to the harsh and brutal news can impact their thinking and can create a negative image of the world. Rather than revealing the news which is not 100% authentic and has detrimental effects, students should be encouraged in activities that help them in their education. The news channels most of the time will run any information for the rating without analyzing its effects on society. To conclude, in today’s modern era where technology and social media have taken over the source of information, teachers should teach in such a relevant manner that it’s helpful and has a positive impact on students.
In recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
, we can observe that globalization is at its peak;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
keeping updates of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
surroundings
as well
as at the international level is becoming a need.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
perceive that teaching
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
affairs to high school pupils is a wastage of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
; whereas, another group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
supports this is a notion. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be aware of and know the importance of happenings in the world at the present
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in a way
that is
not harmful to them.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
learning
international affairs at the high school level will develop an interest at a young age in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can decide if they want to pursue their career in this field or not?
Secondly
,
be informed
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
situation of the world; they might take steps at a smaller scale to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the particular issue.
For example
, global warming is an issue of great importance;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can create awareness campaigns in their schools, family, communities, etc.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
to plant more and more trees in their surroundings. When the subject and its content are
properly
reviewed and taught by the tutors; it can have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
influence on the students.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of teaching global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
at the secondary level. According to them,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are already burdened; as modern education is getting tougher day by day, due to the competitive environment.
Furthermore
, exposing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
at an early stage to the harsh and brutal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
can impact their thinking and can create a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
image of the world.
Rather
than revealing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
which is not 100% authentic and has detrimental effects,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
be encouraged
in activities that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in their education. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
channels most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
will run any information for the rating without analyzing its effects on society.

To conclude
, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s modern era where technology and social media have taken over the source of information, teachers should teach in such a relevant manner that it’s helpful and has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think secondary school students should study international news as one of their subjects. Other people say that this is waste valuable time. Diss both views and give You're an onion v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
347 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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