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Some people think schools should teach students to form good behaviour in addition to providing formal education. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people think schools should teach students to form good behaviour in addition to providing formal education. v. 1
Today, our perception of education is changing more than ever, compares to the past. Beside the major responsibility of schools in teaching and educating, some believe that schools is also where children learn how behave well. From my perspective, I agree with this statement. First, school is a place children spend most of the time besides their home, so one way or another, they are likely to mimic behaviors that can come from their peers or their teachers. In turn, it would be wise if people took that chance to teach students the way to conduct well towards others, especially elderly people. In that way, youngsters are able to develop themselves in terms of moral aspect. In some cases, children also have a tendency towards taking their friends as a role model, which then make them try to fit in by imitating others. Therefore, it is necessary for schools to provide character education that create an affectionate environment for children to study and merge in. Another reason is children nowadays get exposed to several negative influences through media, so schools play a vital role in tracking their behaviors that can help teachers take specific actions to reshaping children’s perception. For instance, showing examples of good character is a fine way to instill moral values in them. Moreover, this type of education teaches students the values of caring about other people, honesty, responsibility, and other important traits that make for an upstanding citizen. In conclusion, the character education is as essential as academic teaching not just in terms of morality but also as a necessary factor to be successful in life.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, our perception of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is changing more than ever, compares to the past. Beside the major responsibility of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
in teaching and educating,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
is
also
where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn how behave well. From my perspective, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement.

First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is a place
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend most of the time
besides
their home,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
one way or another, they are likely to mimic behaviors that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from their peers or their teachers. In turn, it would be wise if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
took that chance to teach students the way to conduct well towards others,
especially
elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. In that way, youngsters are able to develop themselves in terms of moral aspect.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
also
have a tendency towards taking their friends as a role model, which then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them try to fit in by imitating others.
Therefore
, it is necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
to provide character
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
that create an affectionate environment for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to study and merge in.

Another reason is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
nowadays
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
exposed to several
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influences through media,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
play a vital role in tracking their behaviors that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
teachers take specific actions to reshaping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
perception.
For instance
, showing examples of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
character is a fine way to instill moral values in them.
Moreover
, this type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
teaches students the values of caring about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, honesty, responsibility, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
traits that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
for an upstanding citizen.

In conclusion
, the character
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is as essential as academic teaching not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
in terms of morality
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
as a necessary factor to be successful in life.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think schools should teach students to form good behaviour in addition to providing formal education. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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