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Is it necessary for the schools to teach behaviour in addition to the formaleducation? Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Is it necessary for the schools to teach behaviour in addition to the formaleducation? v. 2
Nowadays, there is a controversial issue about the scope of school education. This essay agrees that students should be taught right ethical perspective and that this opinion would become a key to decrease crime. I would like to examine reasons for this in the following essay. Some people say that implementation for the extracurricular course is not necessary for students who are busy entering university. They don' t have enough time to listen to a boring personality education. For example, especially private school, its goal is to send students a better university and mothers who have an ardor for children' s study may protest if they add such an education at school. Therefore, it is not considered to be an urgent matter for both schools and household. However, there is an important point beyond learning academic skills. That is because scholars should establish proper characteristic, but they could adapt to the new condition of society. For instance, the British survey says that the number of double income families has become increased so that parents have less time to take care of their kids. For that aftermath, the teenagers who are the lack of cognitive abilities might commit a crime. As a result, school interested parties should take an action regarding conducting moral program as quickly as possible. There is controversy about promoting ethics programs in addition to regular courses. Once again, this essay concurs that the school provides these programs. Students will grow up to socially promising adults beyond acquiring basic scholastic studies.
Nowadays, there is a controversial issue about the scope of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
education. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
be taught
right ethical perspective and that this opinion would become a key to decrease crime. I would like to examine reasons for this in the following essay.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say that implementation for the extracurricular course is not necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who are busy entering university.

They
Possible spelling mistake found.
don&
#039; t have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to listen to a boring personality education.
For example
,
especially
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, its goal is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
a better university and mothers who have an ardor for
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s study may protest if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
such an education at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
Therefore
, it is not considered to be an urgent matter for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and household.

However
, there is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
point beyond learning academic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
That is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
scholars should establish proper characteristic,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they could adapt to the new condition of society.

For instance
, the British survey says that the number of double income families has become increased
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that parents have less time to take care of their kids. For that aftermath, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
who are the lack of cognitive abilities might commit a crime.

As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
interested parties should take an action regarding conducting moral program as
quickly
as possible.

There is controversy about promoting ethics programs
in addition
to regular courses. Once again, this essay concurs that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
provides these programs.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
will grow up to
socially
promising adults beyond acquiring basic scholastic studies.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Is it necessary for the schools to teach behaviour in addition to the formaleducation? v. 2

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
253 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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