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Some people think planning future is a waste of time and people should focus on the present. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people think planning future is a waste of time and people should focus on the present. v. 1
Ensuring adequate food for everyone is one of the most crucial responsibility of the government for centuries. Some people believe that the nation should be able to produce the food requirement of its population and only the essential ingredients should be imported for consumption. I think producing enough daily bread for people's consumption is a better way of making a country more secure in terms of its food security. Undoubtedly, a state may not be able to produce certain food items. Due to geographical reasons, different kind of food can be seen in many parts of the world. The people should have the right to taste distinct food which is not produced in their country. For example, tropical countries such as Sri Lanka is not able to cultivate apples; hence the importation happens from countries. Nevertheless, a nation should utilize its land, and the government should encourage citizens to cultivate crops to fulfil the food requirements. If a nation is capable of producing enough food, then the funds which are used to import food can be used to develop other sectors. Moreover, employing better methods to improve the crops will ensure fresh food such as vegetables and fruits for its people. Furthermore, the attention and encouragement towards the agricultural sector will ensure for people to have more jobs. For instance, in Indonesia, more than half of its population is directly or indirectly depends on the agricultural sector. Most of the states are now focusing on increasing its cattle and agricultural production using new technologies without using toxic chemicals. In conclusion, I firmly believe that producing food for the entire population is a good trend, and the state can develop the country by utilizing the saved funds. Nonetheless, some regional food should be imported for people to consume.
Ensuring adequate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
for everyone is one of the most crucial responsibility of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
for centuries.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the nation should be able to produce the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
requirement of its population and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the essential ingredients should
be imported
for consumption. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
producing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
daily bread for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's consumption is a better way of making a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
more secure in terms of its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
security.

Undoubtedly
, a state may not be able to produce certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
items. Due to geographical reasons,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parts of the world. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should have the right to taste distinct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
which is not produced in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
For example
, tropical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
such as Sri Lanka is not able to cultivate apples;
hence
the importation happens from countries.

Nevertheless
, a nation should utilize its land, and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should encourage citizens to cultivate crops to fulfil the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
requirements. If a nation is capable of producing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, then the funds which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to import
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to develop other sectors.
Moreover
, employing better methods to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the crops will ensure fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
such as vegetables and fruits for its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Furthermore
, the attention and encouragement towards the agricultural sector will ensure for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have more jobs.
For instance
, in Indonesia, more than half of its population is
directly
or
indirectly
depends on the agricultural sector. Most of the states are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
focusing on increasing its cattle and agricultural production using new technologies without using toxic chemicals.

In conclusion
, I
firmly
believe that producing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
for the entire population is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
trend, and the state can develop the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
by utilizing the saved funds. Nonetheless,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
regional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
should
be imported
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to consume.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think planning future is a waste of time and people should focus on the present. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
297 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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