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In many countries, young people are granted certain privileges and responsibilities at the age of sixteen. Clearly, parents have a responsibility to both care for and prepare their children as they approach this important milestone. To what degree should p v.1

In many countries, young people are granted certain privileges and responsibilities at the age of sixteen. Clearly, parents have a responsibility to both care for and prepare their children as they approach this important milestone. To what degree should p v. 1
While many people believe that one who is stuck in a dire situation should come up with it, on the contrary, others have a promising tenet which there exists in every circumstance. I am of the opinion that believes we should strive for life since it is worth to contend the conditions. On the one hand, some people support a school of thought that expresses everybody has to make the most of a bad situation. In terms of their job, they fear being made redundant, knowing without work their condition would be worse, and so they tolerate low pay, hostile work environment, long hours and a lack of promotion opportunity. Looking from a financial perspective, for instance, imagine an individual who lives in the postwar situation which we all know how devastating and painstaking could be. From factual point, war-torn countries experience a low economic status and their nations have lost their families and relatives, so it could be cruel to suggest them that do not give up and keep trying to better this disastrous circumstance while they may just be able to fight for their own survival or that of the rest of their family. For example, how we can show a ray of hope to a working mother in a single-parent household, which is often short of money and has to face the challenge of supporting a family when doing a tiring job. On the other hand, there are a vast majority of people that argue against others who believe in preordained fate and occasions. This optimistic group, on the contrary, shares the opinion that it is favourable to improve unfavourable conditions mainly because it affects mental health. This implies that everybody should rise above negative circumstances, such as limited funds, well as, the hostile and unsatisfying ambiance in the workplace or even being stuck in a nerve-racking job. Hence, improving the disappointing occasions would boost our mental frame, thereby reducing depression and death through suicide. To recap, there are some superstitious beliefs and religions, accordingly, they have their own patrons who believe that every occasion occurs for a reason and sake that is preordained, in contrast, to my humble opinion I think it would appear wiser if every person makes an effort to improve every detrimental state. It seems full of sense of life if we consider it necessary to overcome apathy and defeatism and to pursue an optimistic path.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is stuck
in a dire situation should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with it,
on the contrary
, others have a promising tenet which there exists in every circumstance. I am of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believes
we should strive for life since it is worth to contend the conditions.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
support a school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that expresses everybody
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the most of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
situation. In terms of their job, they fear
being made
redundant, knowing without work their condition would be worse, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they tolerate low pay, hostile work environment, long hours and a lack of promotion opportunity. Looking from a financial perspective,
for instance
, imagine an individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in the postwar situation which we all know how devastating and painstaking could be. From factual point, war-torn countries experience a low economic status and their nations have lost their families and relatives,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it could be cruel to suggest them that do not give up and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
trying to better this disastrous circumstance while they may
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
be able to fight for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
survival or that of the rest of their family.
For example
, how we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
a ray of hope to a working mother in a single-parent household, which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
short of money and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
face the challenge of supporting a family when doing a tiring job.

On the other hand
, there are a vast
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "majorities"?
majority
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that argue against others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
in preordained fate and occasions. This optimistic group,
on the contrary
, shares the opinion that it is
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
Possible spelling mistake. 'unfavourable' is British English.
unfavourable
conditions
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it affects mental health.
This implies that
everybody should rise above
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
circumstances, such as limited funds, well as, the hostile and unsatisfying ambiance in the workplace or even
being stuck
in a nerve-racking job.
Hence
, improving the disappointing occasions would boost our mental frame, thereby reducing depression and death through suicide.

To recap, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
superstitious beliefs and religions,
accordingly
, they have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
patrons
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that every occasion occurs for a reason and sake that
is preordained
,
in contrast
, to my humble opinion I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it would appear wiser if every person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
an effort to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
every detrimental state. It seems full of sense of life if we consider it necessary to overcome apathy and defeatism and to pursue an optimistic path.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries, young people are granted certain privileges and responsibilities at the age of sixteen. Clearly, parents have a responsibility to both care for and prepare their children as they approach this important milestone. To what degree should p v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
403 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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