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Some people think paintings and drawings are as important as other subjects, and they should be compulsory in high school education. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people think paintings and drawings are as important as other subjects, and they should be compulsory in high school education. v. 1
Whether to include art classes, such as drawing and painting, in the mandatory subjects list for school syllabus has always been a major debates among academics. It certainly a great medium of expression and endurance of creativity so it is equally significant as other subjects, such as science and math. However, I do not feel that they should be made obligatory in school course. To begin with, there is no argument against the wide applications of leaning art and painting. Not every feeling can be expressed through conventional language whereas art provides a platform to display deepest emotions. Further, it surely plays key role in improving imagination, observation and reasoning, which are very significant skills that can serve well in the long run. For example, people with artistic skills proven to be more efficient in providing innovative solution to the existing problems. Thus, not only students will be benefited by learning art but instead everybody should be encouraged to pursue it. Although it is helpful, it is unnecessary to make art subjects compulsory for all pupils. To begin with, it takes up a lot of time from their busy timetable, which can be utilized to teach more important subject, such as science and language. In addition, university competitive entrance exam does not ask question based on art so wasting time on such subjects by making it mandatory is completely unjustifiable. The effective approach would be to make it as optional so that only interested students can participate on their own time as hobby. Thus, students should be motivated to learn paintings but not as compulsory syllabus. In conclusion, although paining is beneficial for overall development of student’s personality, it is better to keep it as an extracurricular activity like music and sports.
Whether to include
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
classes, such as drawing and painting, in the mandatory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
list for school syllabus has always been a major debates among academics. It
A verb is probably missing after 'certainly'.
certainly a
great medium of expression and endurance of creativity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is
equally
significant as other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, such as science and math.
However
, I do not feel that they should
be made
obligatory in school course.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there is no argument against the wide applications of leaning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and painting. Not every feeling can
be expressed
through conventional language whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
provides a platform to display
A determiner is probably missing here: "the deepest".
deepest
emotions.
Further
, it
surely
plays key role in improving imagination, observation and reasoning, which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
significant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that can serve well in the long run.
For example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with artistic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
proven to be more efficient in providing innovative solution to the existing problems.
Thus
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will
be benefited
by learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
instead
everybody should
be encouraged
to pursue it.

Although it is helpful, it is unnecessary to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
compulsory for all pupils. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it takes up
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time from their busy timetable, which can
be utilized
to teach more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
, such as science and language.
In addition
, university competitive entrance exam does not ask question based on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
wasting time on such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
by making it mandatory is completely unjustifiable. The effective approach would be to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it as optional
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
interested
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can participate on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
time as hobby.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
be motivated
to learn paintings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not as compulsory syllabus.

In conclusion
, although paining is beneficial for
overall
development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
personality, it is better to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
it as an extracurricular activity like music and sports.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think paintings and drawings are as important as other subjects, and they should be compulsory in high school education. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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