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All pare ts want the best opportunity for their children. There are some people who think that schools should teach children skills but others think having a range of subjects is better for a children's future. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

All pare ts want the best opportunity for their children. There are some people who think that schools should teach children skills but others think having a range of subjects is better for a children's future. v. 1
Every parent wants their children's best, hence, some people believing that schools ought to focus on skills, while others consider having a number of subjects more important for a child’s future. In my opinion, I consider that being exposed to a wide range of subjects helps children to adapt and communicate easily. On the one hand, some think that having a knowledge in different areas of study helps a child to adapt faster as an adult and I agree. In other words, when students are predisposed to a wide range of courses, they would have the basic knowledge in them, and thus, be able to make an adjustment if need be. To illustrate, someone who majored in an engineering course in the university, would be able to work in an accounts department with minimal training. Furthermore, learning different branches of study makes communication and understanding a lot easier. For instance, an accountant who visits a hospital for a sickness can easily understand a doctor's explanation with little difficulty because he/she has a basic knowledge in biology. On the other hand, it is often believed that teachers should concentrate on skills to ensure future employment. Skills are seen to be very useful for most employers to avoid the high cost of training their staff. Therefore, they believe that if one has a skill in a particular field, it would go a long way in fetching and securing their job. For example, a caterer who does not have a skill in food management would remain jobless. Another point to consider is the shortage of spaces for employment, especially in developing countries which increases the rate of unemployment. However, with adequate skills, people can set up their own businesses and manage them easily. In conclusion, although people may vary in their opinions, I believe that exposure to a wide range of courses prepares a child better for the future in terms of adaptation and communication.
Every parent wants their children's best,
hence
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believing that schools ought to focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, while others consider having a number of subjects more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for a child’s future. In my opinion, I consider that
being exposed
to a wide range of subjects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
children to adapt and communicate
easily
.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that having
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "knowledge".
a knowledge
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
areas of study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
a child to adapt faster as an adult and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
.
In other words
, when students
are predisposed
to a wide range of courses, they would have the basic knowledge in them, and
thus
, be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an adjustment if need be. To illustrate, someone who majored in an engineering course in the university, would be able to work in an accounts department with minimal training.
Furthermore
, learning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
branches of study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
communication and understanding a lot easier.
For instance
, an accountant who visits a hospital for a sickness can
easily
understand a doctor's explanation with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
difficulty
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he/she has
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "basic knowledge".
a basic knowledge
in biology.

On the other hand
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
believed that teachers should concentrate on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
to ensure future employment.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Skills
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful for most employers to avoid the high cost of training their staff.
Therefore
, they believe that if one has a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
in a particular field, it would go a long way in fetching and securing their job.
For example
, a caterer who does not have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
in food management would remain jobless. Another point to consider is the shortage of spaces for employment,
especially
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
which increases the rate of unemployment.
However
, with adequate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can set up their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
businesses and manage them
easily
.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may vary in their opinions, I believe that exposure to a wide range of courses prepares a child better for the future in terms of adaptation and communication.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay All pare ts want the best opportunity for their children. There are some people who think that schools should teach children skills but others think having a range of subjects is better for a children's future. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
322 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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