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Some people think painting and drawings are important as other subjects. They should be compulsory in high school education. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people think painting and drawings are important as other subjects. They should be compulsory in high school education. v. 1
There is no doubt that arts play important roles in people's lives. However, even if the forms of arts such as painting and drawings have certain advantages in education, I could not agree that they should be mandatory high school subjects. On the one hand, benefits from such subjects are only a few. Firstly, they contribute to make a well-rounded student. His or her capacity of emotional feeling and imagination, for instance, could be expanded through the painting and drawing lessons that tough academic studies usually cannot guarantee. What is more, these subjects can be very good stress busters. These recreational activities break the monotony of hours of academic lessons and help students relieve stress those subjects brought to them. On the other hand, the disadvantages of the subjects, once it would become compulsory, are more significant. It is undeniable fact that there are a lot of students not interested in or not capable of such forms of arts. Therefore, it would be definitely miserable and time-wasted for them to enter these classes. In other words, such arts subjects, instead of making learners more creative, keep them stressful and hence degrade their results in other subjects. Moreover, students and schools usually have to meet considerable expenses on the arts subjects. The materials such as papers and paints that are good enough to use for these subjects can be highly cost and, in most cases, are not reusable. In conclusion, I do not think that subjects like painting and drawings should be compulsorily added to the high school students' timetable. However, they can be opened optionally, if there are many students require.
There is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
play
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
roles in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
However
, even if the forms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
such as painting and drawings have certain advantages in education, I could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that they should be mandatory high school subjects.

On the one hand, benefits from such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a few.
Firstly
, they contribute to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a well-rounded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
His or her
capacity of emotional feeling and imagination,
for instance
, could
be expanded
through the painting and drawing lessons that tough academic studies
usually
cannot guarantee.
What is more
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
busters. These recreational activities break the monotony of hours of academic lessons and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
relieve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
brought to them.

On the other hand
, the disadvantages of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, once it would become compulsory, are more significant. It is undeniable fact that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
not interested in or not capable of such forms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
.
Therefore
, it would be definitely miserable and time-wasted for them to enter these classes.
In other words
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
,
instead
of making learners more creative,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them stressful and
hence
degrade their results in other subjects.

Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and schools
usually
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
considerable expenses on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. The materials such as papers and paints that are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
can be
highly
cost and,
in most cases
, are not reusable.

In conclusion
, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like painting and drawings should be
compulsorily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
to the high school students' timetable.
However
, they can
be opened
optionally
, if there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
require.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think painting and drawings are important as other subjects. They should be compulsory in high school education. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
271 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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