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Some people think news has no connection to people's lives. So then it is a waste of time to read the newspaper and watch television news programs. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people think news has no connection to people's lives. So then it is a waste of time to read the newspaper and watch television news programs. v. 2
People believe that there is no correlation between individuals’ lives and news, then there should be no need to spend time on the newspaper and television. While it is true that some articles are not related to daily life to some extent, I would argue the necessity to update material on every kind of media. To begin with, there are several reasons for the disconnection between news and people. First, there are many authenticated news, which are not served and reflected in what individuals live and behave. This can be seen in some articles, they attempted to appeal to people’s attraction by showing something against norms of society. Second, some information on newspaper and television programs couldn’t contribute to the development of next generation. For instance, many entertainment news has been appeared on channels, which made up a huge time of young people’s interaction and have no meaning for their knowledge and abilities. However, I believe that we should spare some time to get information from these intermediaries. Firstly, a great amount of domestic and international events are frequently announced on national television channels or national portals, which help people update the current issues and know how to prevent it when it occurs. For example, when N-COVID 19 epidemic exploded, Vietnam actively propagandized solutions to its citizens on protecting their own health and ways of disease prevention. Secondly, individuals having a habit of reading daily news will broaden their knowledge and support for their disciplines. For instance, there is much news about the recent situation of the worldwide economy, such as supply and demand of products, foreign trade, exchange rate and vice versa for economics students to apply the real practice to their lessons. In conclusion, some bulletins broadcasted are not correspondent to human activities, which couldn’t be beneficial to improve people's lives. However, it is vital to build a tradition of seeing information from every type of media for enhancing awareness of people.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
believe that there is no correlation between individuals’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
, then there should be no need to spend time on the newspaper and television. While it is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
articles are not related to daily life to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent, I would argue the necessity to update material on every kind of media.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are several reasons for the disconnection between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
First
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
authenticated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
, which are not served and reflected in what individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
and behave. This can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
articles, they attempted to appeal to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
attraction by showing something against norms of society. Second,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
information on newspaper and television programs couldn’t contribute to the development of
next
generation.
For instance
,
Possible agreement error. The noun entertainment seems to be uncountable; consider using: "much entertainment", "a good deal of entertainment".
many entertainment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
has
been appeared
on channels, which made up a huge time of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
interaction and have no meaning for their knowledge and abilities.

However
, I believe that we should spare
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
information from these intermediaries.
Firstly
, a great amount of domestic and international
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
are
frequently
announced on national television channels or national portals, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
update the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
issues and know how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
it when it occurs.
For example
, when N-COVID 19 epidemic exploded, Vietnam
actively
propagandized solutions to its citizens on protecting their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
health and ways of disease prevention.
Secondly
, individuals having a habit of reading daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
will broaden their knowledge and support for their disciplines.
For instance
, there is much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
about the recent situation of the worldwide economy, such as supply and demand of products, foreign trade, exchange rate and vice versa for economics students to apply the real practice to their lessons.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
bulletins broadcasted are not correspondent to human activities, which couldn’t be beneficial to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
However
, it is vital to build a tradition of seeing information from every type of media for enhancing awareness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think news has no connection to people's lives. So then it is a waste of time to read the newspaper and watch television news programs. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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